Eddie's Zen Journy

Zen practitioner for 10+ years. PhD in Engineering. Writing about my Zen journey through an analytical mind.

[Eddie's Zen Journy @ppp45665]

This June, after spending six years in the US for my PhD, I really wanted my parents to come to my graduation ceremony.

They had never come to visit me during all these years, so I thought this would be a good chance.

All my friends were talking about how their parents were coming to their graduation, and I really wished my parents could be there too.

They agreed to come. But at the last minute, they canceled.

They told me they couldn't come because they couldn't speak English and also needed to take care of my grandparents.

I understood their situation. I knew they had their reasons. But I was still very upset.

I felt disappointed. I felt angry. There was a part of me that couldn't understand why, after all these years, they still couldn't come and see me.

Then, during one meditation, I focused deeply on my heart chakra.

As I went deeper, I felt like I was slowly peeling away a layer of anger.

And underneath that anger, I found something completely different.

It was love.

I realized that I was angry because I loved them and missed them so much.

I wanted them to see the things I had told them about on the phone. I wanted to show them where I lived, where I worked, and the life I had built over these six years.

More than anything, I wanted them to know me a little better.

After the meditation, I called my parents.

Instead of talking about how disappointed I was, I told them what I had really felt.

We cried together for a little while.

And somehow, it felt like something inside me finally opened.

The situation itself hadn't changed. My parents still couldn't come to my graduation.

But the blockage was gone.

That experience taught me something about the heart.

Sometimes what we experience as anger is not really anger.

Sometimes, underneath the anger, there is love that hasn't found a way to come out.

[Eddie's Zen Journy @ppp45665]

Next month will mark 12 years since I started practicing Zen

Looking back, I realize it all began with a beautiful experience

When I was in second grade, my teacher would spend five minutes before class each day having us sit quietly, breathe, and settle our minds

I knew nothing about meditation back then

But something incredible happened when I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing

My body seemed to disappear

The world around me disappeared too

All that remained was an indescribable sense of peace

Looking back now, I realize that I was already entering a meditative state

I just didn't know what it was called

I only knew that sitting quietly could take me to such a simple and beautiful place

Years later, I went to college in Taipei and entered National Taiwan University, the top university in Taiwan

A kid from the countryside suddenly found himself in a busy city, surrounded by some of the brightest students in the country

I started demanding more and more from myself

Classes to attend

Clubs to run

Jobs to work

Relationships to maintain

I wanted to hold on to everything

In the end, I couldn't do any of it well

During my sophomore year, I failed two classes and dropped another

I couldn't accept that I had become this version of myself

I began constantly questioning myself, wondering if I simply wasn't good enough

I knew I couldn't keep going like this

I needed to find a way back to the simple person I used to be

Back to happiness

That's when I remembered those five minutes of sitting quietly as a child

That state where there was nothing, yet somehow everything felt complete

By chance, I learned that one of my classmates was practicing Zen meditation

So, in the fall of 2014, I began my own journey

And I never stopped

After 12 years, what has Zen given me?

1. Inner stability

No matter how much noise, temptation, or uncertainty exists outside, nothing compares to the fullness of entering that state of emptiness

The louder the world gets, the more I know where I can return

2. Stronger intuition

When the mind becomes quiet, inspiration begins to flow

I can sense more clearly where I should go and become more sensitive to the state of people around me

Some things aren't figured out

You simply know

3. Sustained focus

As an engineer and researcher, much of my life requires long periods of intense mental work

Zen has taught me how to sustain that focus and recover quickly after exhausting my mind

4. Better physical health

After years of practicing Zen, I rarely get sick anymore, and the allergies that used to bother me for years have improved significantly

5. Knowing my true self

Perhaps this is the most important one

I've gradually realized how short this life really is

If we spend our entire lives chasing pleasure and worldly achievements, we may miss something much more important

Looking back, I realize that as a child, I was actually much closer to my true self

My mind was simple, without so much desire, comparison, attachment, or worry

That's why five minutes of sitting could take me so naturally into that meditative state

As I grew older, I gradually became covered in the dust of the world

The more accumulated, the further I drifted from my original self

So I don't practice Zen because I want to become a more impressive person

I practice because, through meditation again and again, I want to slowly wash away the darkness covering my heart

Until I can see my pure spirit again

The same self I touched as a child, long before I knew what it was

12 years is only the beginning

I'll continue walking this path and sharing what I discover along the way