Britny & David 💕

The oddball couple. Our life is a mix of sitcom style unfortunate events, more beautiful moments between. We make each other better, infinite love lives here.

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@davebanking $DaveMart never won a sweepstakes in my entire 38 years of living, haven't had a vacation in over a decade; wishing on a star for this one! Good luck to all! #DaveSweepstakes

[kay la @kdeez_nuts]

the littlest cat just ran around the house, grabbed 3 of his toys from various places and brought them all over to drop in the toy pile - so he’s now cleaned up more in 6 minutes than I have all week

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

Someone tell me they saw the 2 orange orbs in line with each other floating upwards into the #CT night sky then suddenly vanishing?! Couldn't get cam on in time but wtf! #UFO

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@JerseyKidPicks @HardRock This might be a stupid question considering the martini glass and 'happy hour' but it could also be for the aesthetics and in my defense I haven't seen anyone actually specify but they serve alcohol at the sugar factory, yes?

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@KySly Well one thing is for sure, if I had children running around out in the world they would most definitely be monsters :)

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@claypockets @BetterNGamblin I don't know how I'm just seeing this almost uhh a decade later lmao but why would you think I'm a bot?! Either way the long awaited answer: boop beep bop boop

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@claypockets And hello new friend, I do appreciate the follow.

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@KyleKashuv @claypockets He traveled all the way through probably a nightmare of traffic and to what I assume the penthouse and I didn't hear anything about a tip! Commercial or not guarantee he's a shit tipper-unless you walk away with an orange handprint on your ass, I imagine that warrants a hush tip

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

Boost Mobile's general terms and conditions. Apparently natural disasters are acts of #God.

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

What the hell did Shape magazine do to @mindykaling's arms is that some kind of double jointed elbow shit or did someone slip with the photoshop brush?

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

Loving the new season of #seriesofunfortunateevents and it's clever references, the 'Donner party' line did me in. Great writing @ActuallyNPH

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

My life is one creepy text message away from being a lifetime movie in which I, the protagonist, am getting an unhealthy amount of attention by a mentally unstable man.

[sweatpants cher🔸 @House_Feminist]

I secretly hope that twitter keeps extending the character limit as a social experiment, slowly conditioning our attention spans until we’re able to read actual books again

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

FINALLY a doctor has prescribed me exactly what I need. Thank you CT for approving of medical marijuana and providing the access I need to stop my brain from being in hyper speed!

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@danicamckellar Hello Danica, I've been relentlessly reaching out to people to donate to a fundraiser for a friend battling cancer. Each contribution small or big helps and is beyond appreciated! Donations are being collected via Paypal pool and can be sent to [email protected]. Thank you!

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@TheJHF @TheJHF_CEO I cant match dollars but instead of people buying one more unnecessary gift I'm asking for donations, will you share this? In need of donations for a fundraiser for a friend battling cancer. Each contribution helps and is beyond appreciated! https://t.co/Zmr0HgDFkx

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@sarahjoyshockey I can help. I'm also at the end of a fundraiser for a friend and great person who is battling cancer and struggling financially. If you can contribute even a dollar! Donations are through a Paypal pool and can be sent to [email protected], if you're able to contribute I thank you.

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

@johnsonsbaby Right, that must be why you've been sued for your products being the direct cause of who even knows how many cases of cancer by now.

[Britny & David 💕 @pretendlife]

You don't know anyone as well as you think you do, people don't even know who they are themselves. Humans will never cease to amaze me.