Jason

I do software things

Chief Trench Officer

[Jason @prettyjson]

I'm waiting for TVL to turn around on robinhood then I'm going heavy here.

What am I missing?

[Jason @prettyjson]

I’m evicted. Wife and kids left. I have 5% battery left and no charger.

Give me one CA to make it all back in 1 hour please, must be under 10k rn

[Jason @prettyjson]

@basedsnipez What’s it called when a thing had a top twice?

[Jason @prettyjson]

@robinhoodjesus I’m evicted. Wife and kids left. I have 5% battery left and no charger.

Give me one CA to make it all back in 1 hour please, must be under 10k rn

[Jason @prettyjson]

@TrenchPyro Make crypto fun again

[Jason @prettyjson]

@lcyrussl @BULL_THEORY_ @AmericaFirstOne Thanks broski hope this project runs

[Jason @prettyjson]

Big thanks to @BULL_THEORY_ for tipping me off about @AmericaFirstOne

Just got $250 airdropped to my sons Trump account - such a cool cross over from crypto to normie world

[Jason @prettyjson]

@BULL_THEORY_ @AmericaFirstOne It’s such a good concept man and a clean name - hope this one can run and spit off fees to thousands

[Jason @prettyjson]

crypto nukes when the FED chair says the wrong words but you're bullish as the entire internet needs to be shut off?

I'm a perpetual optimist but feels like sell everything szn

[Jason @prettyjson]

@ChartShaman @pythonomics Underrated reply

[Jason @prettyjson]

I feel seen

[Derek Devicemanager @IT_unhinged]

Security called me at 6:12 AM today.

"Patch every PHP server immediately."

I asked what happened.

"Two critical vulnerabilities. Remote code execution. No authentication required."

Cool.

How many PHP servers do we have?

According to inventory: 12

According to reality:

Nobody knows.

We found one running WordPress.

Three running old internal tools.

One under someone's desk.

Two inside vendor appliances.

A forgotten employee directory from 2016.

And a server named:

PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOUCH

Naturally, that one runs payroll exports.

Then we found a PHP 5.6 box.

I asked who owned it.

The documentation said:

BRIAN.

Brian left in 2019.

We called Brian.

He said:

"Oh wow, that's still running?"

Excellent.

By 8 AM, leadership joined the incident call.

CEO:

"Can hackers actually get in?"

Security:

"Potentially yes."

CEO:

"Without a password?"

Security:

"Yes."

CEO:

"Then why do WE need passwords?"

Not the lesson.

Finance asked if we could wait until the weekend to patch because downtime affects revenue.

Security explained that the alternative was letting strangers execute code on our servers.

Finance asked for a cost comparison.

At 9:17, someone suggested temporarily taking the vulnerable websites offline.

Marketing refused.

"Our campaign is live."

So for the next hour, the company officially decided maintaining a landing page for 20% off webinar registration was more important than preventing remote server takeover.

We finally patched everything we could find.

Then our scanner discovered another PHP server.

Hostname:

TEMP-PHP-2014

Uptime:

4,512 days.

Nobody knows what it does.

Nobody owns it.

Nobody can shut it down.

But every time we block network access, the warehouse stops printing shipping labels.

Security has classified it as critical infrastructure.

It is running PHP 5.4.

The vulnerability has existed longer than half our employees.

The emergency patch took four hours.

Finding out what PHP actually runs took eleven.

The internet isn't held together with code.

It's held together with servers everyone is afraid to turn off.

[Jason @prettyjson]

@longhunter09 @EversForgeworks I double dipped winter mountain phase. 1/10 stars wouldn’t recommend 😅

[Jason @prettyjson]

my guys in a fresh polo lounging on pillows complaining about our dystopian economy

[Nick Nemeth (Mispriced Assets) @NickNemo17]

The economy is broken.

[Jason @prettyjson]

@ccmembersonly my guys in a fresh polo lounging on pillows complaining about our dystopian economy

[Jason @prettyjson]

@Stupifff Choose crime

[Jason @prettyjson]

@FlCracker84 Heard this too, it’s awful don’t come

[Joe Pisapia @JoePisapia17]

The Week 7 Fantasy Football Pub is OPEN! 🍻

Guest @Fitz_FF & I talk Derrick Henry, JJ McCarthy, Bears WR, Josh Jacobs and more!

Grab a pint at Fandom NFL 🏈
📺https://t.co/wYwYCoKH40

[Jason @prettyjson]

@longhunter09 @EversForgeworks Happy tabiversary my guy. Jan 2012 over here.

[Jason @prettyjson]

This is my brand of evangelization.

Amazing work.

[Fr. Paul @BackwardsFeet]

me and the boys asking the Blessed Mother for more rizz, call it aura pro nobis

[Jason @prettyjson]

If you can name the top ten Robinhood coins by mc from memory we can be friends.

There are prob like 100 people in the world that can do this and 25% of them will see this post.