perez hilton

ditching the past for the fewture

[perez hilton @problematanique]

Talents include: striking a nerve

[perez hilton @problematanique]

@Sa60tag3 Oomf can’t grow up

[omeo 𖤐 @ihyomeo]

why the poptart in the back flash his poptussy like that??

[perez hilton @problematanique]

H8 it when a bitch moves to Chicago and makes it their whole personality

[valentine @tinyritalingirl]

one thing that's funny about an antivax childhood is that they genuinely don't know what to do with you when you come into a clinic at 18 and are like hi could i have all of them please

[perez hilton @problematanique]

Katy Perry’s PR team rn

[Duolingo @duolingo]

both killed by a Cybertruck

RIP

[sxmmy｡𖦹°‧ @sxmxrths]

@Sa60tag3 @alex_mcilravy @problematanique he’s not white! habla espanol but u wouldn’t know about that

[perez hilton @problematanique]

@sxmxrths @Sa60tag3 @alex_mcilravy @Sa60tag3 I’ll send you my alt user if you swear off ross lynch

[perez hilton @problematanique]

oomf is so sexy

[sxmmy｡𖦹°‧ @sxmxrths]

oomf finally followed me back

[Joe Gunn @joegunn]

Saying “can momtok even survive this?” after every minor inconvenience

[Dan Carney @DanManCarney]

Voting for Kamala so there’s one less woman driver on the road

[perez hilton @problematanique]

Nobody works harder than the Dinkytown Venue’s marketing team

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

“You’ll hear from my lawyer”
-boring
-overplayed
-probably a tax attorney

“Trish is going to be fucking livid”
-intimidating
-who is trish
-what have we done

[perez hilton @problematanique]

My lawyer:

“Your honor, if there wasn’t a half full can of Spindrift at the scene of the crime then my client simply was not there.”

[perez hilton @problematanique]

I firmly believe I could take Mitch McConnell

[perez hilton @problematanique]

I’m just gonna say it. I’d take my magic hat back from Frosty the Snowman too. That’s my magic hat.

[TTBenjamin @TTBenjamin1]

Tarot reader: in the first space I see the two of swords. Is there a decision you're trying t-

Me, pulling from my own deck: I play the Page of Pentacles in defense position and draw. The Page allows me to also play a minor arcana so I place the Three of Wands in attack position

[perez hilton @problematanique]

124 days until Halloween!

[perez hilton @problematanique]

Every time I see a bad picture of me and catch myself being unkind I just think about how many unflattering pictures there are of Demi Lovato and she made it through so thanks Demi