Josh

I'm too drunk to think of something good.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

I've got the body of a middle aged Greek man. Hopefully that's"in" this summer.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

I feel compelled to get a farm for my dog.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

@B_Collins77 One of my neighbors even put a flag up to show ya support!

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

A uniformed police officer just served me my food from McDonald's.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

@5hel8y Just fail the drug screen yo.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

@SleepinJenkins Because some lactose intolerant person ate my fucking ice cream.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

Lactose intolerant people are only as lactose intolerant as it is convenient to them in that moment.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

We all cum the same color

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

The only way to stop a bad guy with a virus is a good guy with a vaccine. Did I get that right?

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

If you take the perspective of all of human history the average human is dead. So if your alive then you are doing better than the average. Congrats!

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

@smitty816 @AdamSandler @prestonjsmith1

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

Are ghosts having an orgy outside?

[Zarphus @Zarphus]

retweet if anytime between 2016 and today you called trump a fascist, nazi, or dictator, and were told you were overreacting.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

I wish to live in an alternate universe in which the funding for NASA never decreased and we could of been Star Trek by now.

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

Are older people wise only because all the dumb ones already died off?

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

When adopting a child, remember to pick one that has a blood type you can mooch off if you ever need a kidney later or something.

[paradiseinvite⭐️ @paradiseinvite]

For everyone living in 2020:

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

I can't tell if I was having a spiritual connection or if I just popped a boner because she's attractive. I felt it in my balls though.

[Madi Sponsler @madlucas456]

VOTE HIM OUT

[Josh @probthatdrunkid]

@B_Collins77 I always respond with but what if the Night Owl who got it before the bird woke up.

[gabrïelle @jolteonjpg]

throwing away my humanity to work a full time job to survive 🤤