corinne needs an alcohol

i am Angry and have Obsessions // 24 //
she/her // rsvp me to the world's end

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

queering my own tits by referring to them as "the fellas"

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

someone pls hire me to a job where i can sit and do nothing in an office for 50k a year bc istg if one more old lady goes "THAT'S IT??" when i offer her $2 for 80lbs of moldy books that we physically can't sell i WILL commit arson

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

*at a job interview*

interviewer: what would you say is your greatest challenge?

me: okay you know how some people have a cilantro-tastes-like-soap gene? well i have this secret fear that i have that but i like cilantro anyway so maybe i'm some sort of weirdo who likes soa–

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

@Stevengminer bro i GASPED when we got a copy of that in a couple months ago, she always has bangin' covers

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

is this just what goes on in the mind of the average man?? i've been thinking about the phrase "beef mech" literally all day like wtf

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

my bf: *staring pensively into space*
me: whatcha thinkin about?
him: uh. do you really wanna know?
me: *thinking he's gonna say smth cute* yes of course :))
him: okay. uh. beef mech.
me: ???
him: y'know, like, what if we put cows in giant mech suits
me: oh. okay

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

pro tip for my fellow motorists: do not antagonize me on the road when i'm PMSing, i Am unstable and i Will kill us both ❤

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

every relationship must have 1) the person who is very seriously invested in the zelda games and 2) the other person who just watches them play and makes them name all the sand seals (guess which one i am)

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

i'm moving again and have been reduced to eating only frozen meals and hot pockets due to all of my dishes/appliances being packed away and my god if i had to live like this on the regular i would be way more feral than i am, shoutout to my mom for teaching me how to cook fr

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

accidentally clicked onto my fb app just now and every other post is a hs or college friend having a kid or getting engaged etc, meanwhile i'm sitting in the lobby at the mechanic for the 2nd time in a week bc i can't afford a car that works lmao this is why i stick to twitter

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

cat ownership is a very particular kind of double-edged sword where he will cuddle you at night when you're alone and your apartment is making weird sounds but then he will also jump on your counter while you're trimming your nails and put his butthole in your face bc he is a cat

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

calling in sick to work tomorrow due to emotional distress (there was a wasp in my apartment)

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

@Tasty_Glue i wish, if she stayed with me he would try to eat her :(

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

this tiny baby was found by some friends in my apartment complex last night! she's pretty small and a bit malnourished but very sweet and affectionate and needs a home asap! if anyone is interested or knows someone who is, pls DM me—rt's are also appreciated! :)

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

@morganlynn15 definitely not complaining 😂

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

texted my bf to ask if he'd pick me up some arizona tea on his way to my apartment bc i'm sick and my throat hurts and he called me laughing bc he was literally at a gas station already getting me 2 cans....the patriarchy wins this round ig, whatever

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

adulthood is learning how to properly fold a fitted sheet

maturity is recognizing that you don't need to properly fold your fitted sheet bc at some point it just doesn't matter, and that's okay :)

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

(this is not me making fun of people with hearing impairments btw, this is me venting about rude entitled people who don't think i'm a person bc i happen to be standing behind a register)

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

senior tuesdays at work be like
-*very loudly* "I'M A SENIOR"
-"okay" (yes i can see that) "that'll be [price]"
-"is that with the discount??"
-"yep it is"
-"i wasn't sure if you heard me"
-"yep i did" (how could i not)
-"because sometimes i can't" (yes, bc you're a senior)

[corinne needs an alcohol @prof_coriarty]

(the "I'm a senior" was the first thing she said to me, btw)

oh and then she was like "how much do you all take off the price?"
-"10%"
-"what?"
-*enunciating* "ten per–"
-"what?"
-"TEN PERCENT"
-"oh okay"

love having to bodily yell at an old woman at 11am