Lawrence Prograis

-Sleep is for the rich.

[Lawrence Prograis @Progreso_soup]

@Blue_Footy @grok why is he being suspended?

[The Other Side Of The Coin @TOSOTC_CFC]

Elite distribution against Spurs and absolutely commanded everything in the box. You have to admit that he has improved since last season.

Well done Robert Sanchez 👏

[Lawrence Prograis @Progreso_soup]

@Blue_Footy I think Nacho is finishing that chance to end the game whereas Jamie is blasting it over and keeping the anxiety up

[Premier League @premierleague]

“You want me to cry?”

We asked some familiar faces to welcome Eden Hazard to the Premier League Hall of Fame…

[✞Righteous Rebellion𓅪 @OneManCircus87]

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate?
I’m glad you asked. Buckle up.

12:05 p.m. — It begins. You down the 10-ounce bottle like it’s a lukewarm PBR at a college tailgate. The label says “cherry flavored,” but it tastes like someone described cherry to a chemist who’s never eaten fruit. Regret sets in instantly.

12:06 p.m. — You grab a handful of chips for moral support. They’ll be liquified before they clear your throat, but who cares? Life still feels okay right now. Remember this peace. You’re about to enter the darkest chapter of your gastrointestinal history.

12:37 p.m. — The rumbling starts. There’s movement in the depths. You’ve got five pounds of impacted regret in your colon, and you just drank the “human-safe” version of Drano. You think it’s go time. It’s not. You get one sad little snake turd — a warm-up act.
That’s the last semi-solid you’ll see for the next 24 hours.

12:57 p.m. — The situation escalates. Your stomach is in full revolt. You have 0.3 seconds to make it to the toilet. Running is risky business — one wrong step and you’ll paint the walls. You pray for sphincter strength like never before as you waddle at Mach 3, pants half down, whispering, “Please, God, not like this.”

12:58 p.m. — Impact.
You sit, and the gates of hell open.
The explosion is biblical. It hits the back of the bowl with such violent force it ricochets like a sprinkler system.
You ask yourself, Is that blood?
No — false alarm. Just the ghost of a cherry pie you ate in 2004. The smell is unspeakable. The acoustics? Terrifying. The neighbors think you’re performing an exorcism.

1:06 p.m. – 8:30 p.m. — Time becomes meaningless. You’ve evacuated everything you’ve ever eaten, plus a few ancestral meals for good measure. Your colon feels like it’s been sandblasted with lava. The burn is real. You’re sweating. Crying. Contemplating life. You meet Jesus briefly, but He sends you back — says your mission’s not over yet.

8:37 p.m. — You’re empty. Broken. Reborn.
Your butthole? A war veteran.
Your spirit? In recovery.
You’ll never be the same, but you will survive.

Tomorrow, you’ll rise from the ashes, slip into your last clean pair of underwear, and waddle into Walmart like a survivor of gastrointestinal warfare — to buy a new toilet brush and reclaim your dignity.

You’ve earned it.

Feeling thankful. 💩🙏

[Don @GreezyDon]

On my life Wirtz plays like KDH

[ChelsTransfer @ChelsTransfer]

New Saudi Arabia airline Riyadh Air have been strongly linked to a potential sponsorship with Chelsea. (BBC)

[Corri @FPLCorrigan]

James Trafford when he sees Donnaruma in training

[Squid @heisthejoker]

How tf do an ID expire? I’m still the same nigga

[Lawrence Prograis @Progreso_soup]

Fav @ChelseaFC player of mine

[Sasha🦋 @sashcfc]

If only it had worked out, all the best 💙

[Turner Novak 🍌🧢 @TurnerNovak]

Male friendship is just sending tweets to each other for years until one of you dies

[Lawrence Prograis @Progreso_soup]

@ISOO_Lo 😂😂😂

[SIR CHUCHO 🎖️ @SirChucho]

Ronaldinho would be proud

[Josh Hart @joshhart]

We the best. Rest of yall suck. Go argue with a wall about it

[Didier Drogba @didierdrogba]

We are WORLD CHAMPIONS @ChelseaFC

[THE CHELSEA FORUM @TheChelseaForum]

Just repost 😍💙

[Dennoh @CFC_dennoh]

Robert Sanchez understood the assignment 🤩

[CarefreeYouth @CarefreeYouth]

Everytime Caicedo goes down with an injury

[Dennoh @CFC_dennoh]

Another angle of that Marc Cucurella goal 🔥

[Goals Side @goalsside]

WHAT A FINISH BY LAMINE YAMAL! 🤩🇪🇸

https://t.co/MtPvQ47R7g