Cody Banks Maverick

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

“So you’re telling me this fer of legal custody document is trans?!”

I am alone waiting for laughter as the judge, my ex wife, her new husband Ricky and little Jeremy leave, somberly. The automatic motion lights see no movement and switch off. I am alone. And no one looks back.

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

Broke: the ability of Stephen A to flawlessly transition from sports to politics, while personally impressive, serves as a broad indictment for the way American Media covers politics, specifically elections, like sports

Woke: we need 24hr live Stephen A election night coverage

[Read Raising Expectations (and Raising Hell) @JPHilllllll]

Damn. Democrats should listen up

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

Reading all of these as an incantation to summon High Demon Elgrim so that DJ Burns hits the over in rebounding

[Jay Cuda @JayCuda]

backwards final four

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

There’s two kind of rookies in baseball:

-Latin or Caribbean 20 year old who has the strength and skill of a man with 6 season under their belt
-white boy from maryland named Brayden

Rookie of the year voting will be tied

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

The Emperor and Baron Harkonnen if Paul sneezed when the Hunter Seeker was in his room:

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

This is true because why else would it need sunglasses in all those 1st grade teaching aid illustrations

[Futurism @futurism]

Biologist Says the Sun May Be Conscious https://t.co/JlOsWlIAnH

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

@FoxyLadyy_ @SleazyEBurner @tylerkolek @Cpt_Underpants7 Foxy this is really cool🤣🤣 awesome “Windmill™️” dunk I was wondering do you OJ is innocent? Much love - Cody

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

@stephenasmith Stephen A, who is your surfing goat, Tank “The Shredder” Evans or Big Z? People were saying Big Z was surfing against plumbers but his impact is undeniable. On the other hand, Tank has got the trophies. Who you got?

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

Sometime a thought will hit my head like “a dog that understands Spanish” or “a dog that understands Cantonese” or “ a dog that understands the empathetic look in my eye as he shits on my hardwood floors” and make this whole cognitive function thing worth it

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

Paul Atreides seeing this:

Damn that shit would look hard on a shrine for fanatical legions to worship while a holy war spreads across the universe like unquenchable fire with a warrior religion that waves the Atreides banner in my father’s name.

[Courtney Mares @catholicourtney]

The skull of Saint Thomas Aquinas!

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

Trying to get one of these like people were trying to get medical marijuana cards in the 2010s just so I can push past children and lay waste to the Chuck E Cheese bathroom at my nephews 9th birthday

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

@JA___West Yeah and I’m gonna need to call back my Crohn’s plumber real soon

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

This look like the before scene in an Adult Swim show where he looks both ways smiling and then it abruptly cuts to him lying in a pool of his own blood

[Jason Kauzlarich @JasonKauz]

The FALLOUT party at SXSW was fun. Then this guy showed up.

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

Hiring a plumber with Crohn’s disease so that they feel the same urgency to get the toilet fixed that I do

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

About to get served a regular new age coke on the beach that makes you old I sure hope nothing happens!

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

My upstairs neighbors and I like to engage in a fun tradition called tap time! During tap time they randomly tap on the floor for about 20 minutes and I seriously consider using my window as the worlds fastest elevator!

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

*on a roof ledge with police sirens closing in, with 30 loyal followers dressed exactly like fozzy bear. Solemnly I remove my fedora just as the helicopter spotlights hits me

“I’m gonna be honest fellas I don’t know if we can wocka wocka our way out of this one”

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

To all my new bot followers welcome! I wanna wish you all a very happy
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[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

When Ben Affleck shows up to his girlfriends work dripped head to toe in Dunkin he’s a “national treasure” and “worth 7 mil for 30 seconds”. When I do it I’m a “cause for her termination” and “sopping wet from cold brew trying to baptize myself in the name of a dunkachino”

[Cody Banks Maverick @provdemce]

If the Grinch stole Easter would he:
a) rob the tomb of Jesus’s body
b) steal the crown of thorns
c) wait for Jesus to rise again and then immediately kill him with a doohickey of his own design
d) eat all the peeps at his local Walgreens