Robert Pattinson

I'm not Rob Pattinson, but we have a lot in common. And by a lot, I mean we're both men. Born in May. That's about it. Have fun!

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Yup. That's right, I did it. http://on.mtv.com/kOrk0c #MTVMovieAwards #TaylorKissesBetterThanKristen

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

The scene in #WFE where I come out of the trunk in drag? Got drunk the night before and director decided to film the after effect. Bastard.

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

What? WHAT?! Not only does Kristen bring home more than me, but now the DOG does too? Unacceptable. Gonna strike. http://twitpic.com/4h0ewg

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

I'm circulating a petition to have Rebecca Black play a random side character who gets killed off in Breaking Dawn. Anyone wanna sign?

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Me and the ball & chain went out for a movie date. Fans found us. I spent more time with them than her. WINNING.

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Hypothetically speaking of course, our babies would be beautiful. Just putting it out there. Take it as you will. http://bit.ly/i2xXsC

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

BAM. I'm on there 3 times. Suck it Taylor. When it comes to middle-aged ladies' backs, I'm 3 times more popular. http://twitpic.com/3oxfu1

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Merry Christmas to all. If more than half your gifts were Twilight related, I thank you. I get a merchandising percentage. #TwilightXmas

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Oh c'mon. Shouldn't the yellow section be just a little bit bigger? But to be fair, I'm a mix of green and red. http://twitpic.com/3g7tec

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Due to my relationship status I am required to state that this is complete bollocks. (Even though it isn't.) http://twitpic.com/2jz52m

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Oh! Pick me! Pick me! http://dallas.craigslist.org/dal/tlg/1893560318.html

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Ooohhh! I know which one I'd pick! http://twitpic.com/239y6s

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

That's right. It happened. Kagan handled herself well, but it was obvious she's gaga for Edward. http://bit.ly/b4yBQh

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Yes, that was a real mustache. I go all out for all roles, even pretend movie award ones. Don't judge me.

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Thanks for all the pseudo birthday wishes. I pseudo appreciate them. Time for 24 shots at any pub I can stumble into. ... Pseudo!

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Now everyone can imagine they're marrying Edward. Not like they don't already. Face it - he's a catch. http://tinyurl.com/BellasRing

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

It's sad...because it's true. My hair had it's own line in the budget, and justifiably so. http://twitpic.com/1dh2yw

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Yes, the rumors are true. I admitted Kristen and I are an item. But what I didn't admit is...it's only because she kidnapped my dog. Prat.

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Cambridge to start teaching Twilight? I call dibs on being a guest speaker, as long as they can promise to protect me. http://bit.ly/dx5TYM

[Robert Pattinson @PseudoRob]

Saw this ad and laughed. Which one? If you're lucky, none of them. http://www.twitpic.com/ui8yy