Moist Pastry

Don't mind me
Im just a passing black cat 🐈‍⬛

[Vanish Into You @stopitvish]

The size difference we all love

[Natx Wang 🇸🇬🍟 @natxwang]

Singapore's TFR is below 1.

We've tried Baby Bonuses. Tax relief. Parental leave.
All very sensible.

But maybe sensible isn't working. Maybe it's time to throw some slightly unhinged ideas into the mix.

Hear me out:

1. Dim HDB staircase lights after 10pm.
Instant ambience for those impulsive moments.
Using existing infrastructure. Save electricity too. Very cost efficient.

2. Let us use CDC vouchers to book hotels.
We're still supporting local businesses.
With… potential economic benefits.

3. Gamify sex.
Achievements. Badges. Titles. Quest guides.
“Local Legend”: done in every town in Singapore.
“Coast to Coast Completionist.”
“Nature Explorer.”

Singaporeans will compete over literally anything.
Give us achievements and a leaderboard and suddenly everyone has aim for.

4. Strava, but for mating.
Streaks. Personal bests. Monthly challenges.
Imagine opening the app and seeing:
“Desmond has been more active than you this week.”
Cannot lose to Desmond.

5. Baby making speedruns.
How quickly can you go from Baby #1 → Baby #2?
Show proof of pregnancy, and get sponsorships, rebates and extra benefits.

6. Tie COE rebates to children.
1 kid = 10%
2 kids = 30%
3 kids = 50%
You want that Land Rover? You want that Alphard?
The nation would like to discuss a mutually beneficial arrangement.

7. BTO Pregnancy Fast Pass.
Pregnant? Move up the queue.
2 kids? Express lane.
3 kids? HDB delivers the keys, a hamper and a handwritten thank-you note from the nation.

8. Maternity ward loyalty programme.
Same like frequent flyer, but better.
Baby #1: Silver
Baby #2: Gold
Baby #3: Platinum
Baby #4: PPS Club

Priority check in. Lounge access. Complimentary upgrade where available.

9. Annual couples' hotel vouchers for parents.
Once a year, the kids go to a nanny and mum and dad go for a staycation.
Official purpose: “strengthening marriages.” Because couples need “bonding time in privacy”.

10. Master bedrooms come with extra soundproofing.
For better sleep, obviously.
Better rest. More privacy. Higher productivity.
Creating conducive environments that contribute to the national KPI.

11. Subsidize aphrodisiacs.
Why keep telling Singaporeans to make babies when we can just… nudge them in the right direction.

Chocolates, oysters and wine at half price… The more they eat, the more “ready” they become.

Just quietly set the mood and then the other head gets to work.

Which one will convince you?

[몽 @_mong0211]

홍규 침대키스... 이것 뭐예요 ????

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

its a special kind of pain when you realise youre not your type's type :<

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

you know its big when youre still bleeding days after :3

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

when people watching turns in person watching :/

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

wtf emotionally im a mess rn. deadass getting whiplash from snapping back to reality

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

also, its a little fked that "spare change" to me is "more than good enough" compensation. so no im gonna come back with more dammit

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

lmaoo, rookie mistake of falling for your massage therapist

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

ignore the last few rts, im just a little extra l̶o̶n̶e̶l̶y̶ needy :3

[kylie ✼ @kylieteeny]

pervy bf tht undresses n touches me while im asleep bc he simply cant help himself..

[mary ♡ @marybloomi]

touchy pervy bf who cant keep his hands off me even if we're in public he's just constantly groping n kissing me pls when 🥺

[kylie ✼ @kylieteeny]

men moaning n groaning in my ear mmmffgh..

[kylie ✼ @kylieteeny]

the biggest turn on is simply knowing u turned someone else on.. like..i did that to u :3 yippieee :33

[Moist Pastry @psyaid_]

i want this so bad :c

[常夜灯の実写垢🌙🐶 @tokoyo_akari15]

成人腐男子の薄っぺらいお腹でもみといて

[常夜灯の実写垢🌙🐶 @tokoyo_akari15]

成人腐男子の薄っぺらいお腹でもみといて

[pochacco boy @pochacco_boy]

bitch u can't be gay and accidentally cheat u had an hour to reflect while flushing ur hole out