Psychic Pokémon

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

i'm back just like the crippling anxiety that never really goes away no matter how much therapy you throw at it

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

if my triumphant return to twitter was the amazing surprise you needed today i am seriously questioning the choices in your life that lead you here

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

my life is a FUCKING LIE

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

just learned baby carrots are just big carrots but cut up a bunch. they're not a tiny species of carrot that grows next to their big carrot parents.

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

i'm less back on my feet and more back on not allowed to leave this house

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

it was an owl, which is terrifying, to be sure, but nowhere near a threat to warrant my burning the complex down

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

back on my feet after being temporarily homeless thanks to my being pretty certain there were raptors breaching my apartment

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

the latter was how i expressed myself in the bank yesterday, and let me tell you, everyone there knew how i felt!

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

something like "that is very haha sir," or "today i am feeling very sobs uncontrollably"

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

what's the point of language to describe emotions? why don't we just speak how we're acting as a result?

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

sorry i haven't been tweeting. lately it's just been really hard to be a

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

yes i am browsing facebook every friday night.

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

not because i now have easier access to events, mind you.

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

#BeforeFacebookI didn't always know what I was going to be doing with my Friday nights.

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

since she, you know, was so low. :\

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

i spend a lot of my time wondering if shawty ever got out of that funk she was in.

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

i feel you, appleman. i feel. https://t.co/UysBQWxMIQ

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

someone find me an agent and a time machine.

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

examples: "that's cray-ola!"; "super soaker sad, mannnn."

[Psychic Pokémon @psyduck__]

i spend a lot of my time coming up with what would have been wicked awesome 90s catchphrases.