Jemima

The wit and wisdom of an eleven year old.

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

J: Can we have Japanese food more often?
D: Well, I like it, but your sisters are scared of it…
J: Can we hide it in their breakfast, so they get used to it?
D: Whaaat?!

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

J: Wait, when did the British invade India?
D: Hmm. I dunno, maybe the 1800’s?
J: What? But, weren’t you born in the 18– … oh, no, that was the 80’s.
D: *laughing, but also screaming internally*

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

D: You moved my app icons around
J: Yeah. On the first page I put them on rainbow order.
D: Oh great!?
J: Heh. Also I hid one.
#queDiablo

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

Imagine if there was something more real than people... like cartoons aren't real but we see them, what if we were like that?
#◉_◉

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

M: One more week left of your thirties!
J: One more week and then you're OLLLLLDDD! 😜 Your white hairs in your beard, you'll wake up and they'll be down to your feet!
#myLovingDaughter

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

J: Daddy, we could not eat fish and be partially vegetarian too (like Felicity).
D: But fish is the best for you of all the meats.
J: But what if we decide fish are our favourite of all the animals?

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

J: Well, they should just not get on the train in the first place!
D: Okay, but that's not the point of the problem, it's supposed to make you think.
J: Well that's the nice answer to the problem.
#trolleyProblem

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

Guide: So the oldest termite they've found in Australia was 70 years old. She's called the Queen.
J: How do they know how old she was?
G: I don't know. The scientists figured it out.
J: It's not like she had birthday parties!?

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

Daddy, if I go to heaven, will I not be able to ask questions anymore because I'll be happy and I'll know everything?
#paradox
#lifeWithoutQuestions

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

J: *turns to otherwise oblivious sisters*
*giggles, smirks, points*
Daddy put his bottom in Mummy's bottom!?
D: Except they're not bottoms.
J: Whatever. His dangly bottom bit, thing.
#birdsAndTheBees
#weUseAccurateWords

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

M&D: (explain birds and bees again, in textbook detail)
J: *epiphany*
*Cheshire smirk*
*points*
So you two did that?!
*giggles*
#birdsAndTheBees
#finallySinksIn
#howYourParentsMadeYou

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

D: People can grow a baby in nine months.
J: Is that because they kiss?
D: What? No.
#birdsAndTheBees
#smdh
#weWentThroughThis
#inDetail
#andWeGaveYouABook

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

J: What can we DO? *harrumph*
D: Teach yourself maths?
J: No that’s boring.
D: Read philosophy.
J: No.
D: Look at an atlas and learn about the world?
J: No, we've already been to the other side of the world.
D: *recoils*
#soJadedForOneSoYoung

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

Mummy's the boss of the family because whenever Daddy doesn't know what to do he says "Go ask Mummy", and he's clever and strong.
#mouthsOfBabes

[Christina Hoff Sommers @CHSommers]

Why They Listen to Jordan Peterson https://t.co/iK3x0oX0Jj via @intelligencer

[Jacqueline Maley @JacquelineMaley]

For all people who ask why women don't come forward: in this case no action was taken against the abuser in his workplace, until the victim *literally published globally* photos of her bruised face - ie herself humiliated and battered. Only then was something done. https://t.co/yGzt1fpXyF

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

Rosie, I know, instead of being the ruler what about if you have a beauty salon?
#operationHomeSecession
#divideAndRule
#patronage
#weaponsOfMassDistraction

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

@rose_m_ferguson J: But if no one knows how to run the country, how does the Prime Minister do it?
D: Badly.
#operationHomeSecession

[Jemima @puddle_quackery]

Adults are kid-boredom machines and kid-annoying machines. Because they don't play games and have fun they just talk all the time.

[Austin Channing Brown @austinchanning]

Today our timelines fill up with MLK quotes. But instead of spending 60 seconds typing a quote, I wonder if you’d commit to spending time *reading* what MLK wrote. Let’s make the transformative choice instead of the performative today.