Staypuft

a human with a controller

[Don Bluth @DonBluth]

I still don’t quite understand what memes are, but I think I’m starting to get it. The internet has some interesting ones about yours truly. - Don

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

Was bringing food to a table today when the girl shushed me because her boyfriend was on the phone. Get the fuck out of here with that nonsense. YOU'RE IN A RESTAURANT. NOT YOUR HOME. GO OUTSIDE.

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

Roughly 10 mins into watching The Meg.... this..... this is Jaws 3.

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

Tfw you realize that American liberals are gonna send their own marginalized groups up the river without a paddle because of something that's happening on the other side of the planet 🫠 the next four years (and many more) in this country are gonna be bad and it's yalls fault

[neon 🍁 ➡️ MCM LONDON @neon_heartbeat]

Rewatching the prequels and once again I am insisting if a woman wrote Star Wars padme would have got w obiwan. Sorry but if I’m a teenage girl queen and a hot older monk dude saves my ass w a laser sword he’s got +100 pts over the 9 yr old kid asking am I an angel. PLEASE.

[Billy Mays III @infinitethird]

The level of hate that Kendrick has in his heart for Drake is only slightly higher than how my dad felt about Vince Offer. I truly believe that if he had lived another year, they would’ve gone bar for bar in the first ever infomercial battle.

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

It's not poly if the dude that you're messing with is in a monogamous relationship, but hey, what do I know?

[Jorts (and Jean) @JortsTheCat]

The CDC is now recommending that if you begin to die, you should work overtime to fit in as many hours as possible first

[Annie Morgan @annie_m_morgan]

9yo (frustrated and crying): I just want to read my book, but I keep having to talk to people and do chores!

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

The craziest thing about cats is that even if they're fixed, somehow they multiply.

[Pearl Rose @hipearlrose]

“why arent clothes made as well anymore” “why am i scared to ask my boss for PTO” “how is rent so high” “why wont Biden do the right thing” “why doesnt my degree matter” what if I told you these all have the same very depressing very real answer

[Jenni @hashjenni]

Nobody notices how sad you are until it turns into anger ... now you crazy and need help

[kenzi @kenzianidiot]

they say “do one thing every day that scares you” and that is why every day i wake up and participate in society

[kenzi @kenzianidiot]

i dont get why ppl say no pun intended. my puns are always intended. theyre often the only reason im even speaking.

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

People complaining that they can't go to a chain restaurant and share an all you can eat meal.... would you expect to pay for one person and then bring your whole family into a buffet? Fucking idiots.

[Jeff May (CEO, Antifa Org.) @heytherejeffro]

Do you even walk in a winter wonderland, bro?

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

If I had Kardashian money and went to see Usher I would ask him very nicely and slip him some bills to play U Got It Bad 5x in a row

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

I don't watch wrestling anymore but my partner is watching #aewcollision and i want @WillowNightWres to destroy me with those gorgeous thighs. That is all.

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

IDC what anyone says. Dance Macabre by @thebandGHOST is basically the #1 perfect song by the #1 perfect band.

[Staypuft @puffaluphagus]

@blackatebush Me: I sure can't wait until Elder Scrolls 6 comes out 20 years from now
SO: Why, so you can steal everything that isn't nailed down and brutally murder all of the NPCs, you god damned murder hobo?
Me: 👀