Harper Harper

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Websters has ignored my requests to add "Vegeta" to the dictionary. It's a verb, and if they dont beleive me I'll have to vegeta them.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

@Be_Premier Violation Number: 000-467-098

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

@TJoesOfficial
Why am I getting a $50 ticket from @Be_Premier in Austin after visiting the Seaholm location six weeks ago? I got my parking validated. People without the latest smartphones can't shop at your store now?

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

My dad just said "Watergate is my anime," which must be a clue.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

In order to give contestants more time, I heard they're changing the Final Jeopardy song to "Maggot Brain."

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Nerds don't drink Diet Coke.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

@dannypetrilli You could combine the two into Danenya!

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Coronavirus has taught me that my body temp is below average, despite constant checking.

[ABC News @ABC]

"You know who you are…you're socializing too close."

Larry David teamed up with state officials for a light-hearted PSA urging Californians to stay at home amid the coronavirus outbreak. https://t.co/Viidkbv27P

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Listening to Ornette Coleman alone in my apt today. Not sure if I've lost my mind or transcended to a higher plane.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Decided to take a break from showering during the corona outbreak until a fly died on my shoulder.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Just made my first social distancing pizza rolls.

[Kevin Sanders @SandersOnDemand]

Do I have to do fucking everything?

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Have you ever seen your dad in a bank? Because I just realized that I haven't.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

@carlamrosas12 Hahahaha I remember this peeve of yours!

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

I'm afraid that I might be dating someone whose love language is trapping farts under the covers.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Me: Alex, play 80s reggae on Spotify.
Alexa: Playing--
Me: Non-homophobic songs.
Alexa: ... how about your Discover Weekly?

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

After three years of living here, it just hit me: I haven't seen any Juggalos in Texas.

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

Would a human-dog hybrid walk on all fours? Or just twos?

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

@adamgreeney THANK you. Why is this so hard for ppl to understand?!

[Harper Harper @pukesmellington]

I have no factual evidence to support this, but I'm 90% sure Goldfish are healthier than Cheez-Its.