Pumpkin S. Parker

I’m a 37-year old SWF, who is currently living in and blogging from the superfine city of New York, New York. Come play with me!

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

#unitedairlines #fail After 2 cxld flights & 5 hrs on hold, had to go to the airport to get a live agent who then told me to call United. 🙄

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

Trying to get back on the writing horse after being dragged by a stirrup. Oy.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

@KreweofRocckus #mjerome #KOR2013

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

@KreweofRocckus #KOR2013 #mjerome

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

@KreweofRocckus #mjerome #KOR2013

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

@KreweofRocckus #KOR2013 #mjerome

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

My 5-year-old nephew just pointed to my bunion and said, "Who's your friend?"

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

“@MrsRupertPupkin: Just noticed my cat smiles with his eyes. Still single.”

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

Post on the blog! More insight into why i stopped dating. http://t.co/ijtFRPly. #pumpkin

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

The reason that some people continue to live is because I am too pretty to go to jail.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

1/2 of a new blog post, entitled "My Own Personal Karate Kid." Why am I still single? Because I is smert. http://t.co/Leehgc5T. #pumpkin

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

New post on the blog called "Bad Woo & the U. S. Constitution." A partial explanation of why I'm single. http://t.co/Leehgc5T #pumpkin

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

Spreadsheets = life-sucking black hole.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

I've been popping pimples for, oh, 30 years. And yet somehow I tried to pop one this morning that wasn't ready. Really??? So amateur.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

Nausea. It is my least favorite thing.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

I'm skunk drunk with an Indian, and I like it. Dot, not feather.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

I am notorious for spitting in the wind. And I like it.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

Biscuits are really just a vehicle for butter. I love vehicles for butter.

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

New blog post, entitled "Shoes, Booze, and Boys with Tattoos." I live to serve your entertainment needs. http://t.co/Leehgc5T #pumpkin

[Pumpkin S. Parker @pumpkinsparker]

I smell like a polecat and have a massive headache. Why, yes, I was in Vegas! #whathappensinvegas