DrunkBatman

[The Onion @TheOnion]

DNC Offers Startup $500 Million To Develop Pencil That Can Accurately Record Election Results https://t.co/xqBGkiYvUl

[DrunkBatman @punchdrunkbat]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Russillo @ryenarussillo]

If I’m trading Porzingis I need to do better than cap space.

[jamie loftus 🌭 @jamieloftusHELP]

me introducing male friend: "hello, this is peter. make what you will of his terrible personality, but he is not, to my knowledge, a rapist, which until recently was not even the bare minimum"

[LeVar Burton @levarburton]

Thank you, Stan. You inspired us all...

[Stephen King @StephenKing]

I believe the woman.

[DrunkBatman @punchdrunkbat]

#WellDone

[Karen Attiah @KarenAttiah]

This was one of the saddest things I have ever done. To edit @Jkhashoggi's final piece for the @WashingtonPost. We've lost a bright and brave voice. "Say your word, then leave". Sleep well, my friend.--> What the Arab world needs most is free expression https://t.co/Bt9tIDARoH

[DrunkBatman @punchdrunkbat]

#BringJustice

[DrunkBatman @punchdrunkbat]

Criminals lie. It’s a thing they do.

[Robbie Gramer @RobbieGramer]

He's not dead, he left the consulate we have evidence

OK, he has disappeared

OK, he may be dead

OK, he's dead but we didn't do it

OK, he's dead, but it was a rogue group who worked for us

OK he's dead and we did it, but it was only because a 1 vs. 15 fight broke out

[DrunkBatman @punchdrunkbat]

Shhh....

[DShawnK @dshawn]

I was not sure when I would use this feature... till today. @elonmusk @tesla

[The Onion @TheOnion]

"Well, Mr. Richards, you’re at 118 over 74. That means do whatever the hell you want. Get wasted, start a smoking habit—who gives a shit, just fucking go nuts."

[Ruth Ann Crystal, MD @CatchTheBaby]

To all of the haters that said this day would never come

[ErykahBadoula @fatbellybella]

There’s no way that EVERYBODY was Kung Fu fighting .