Purple Velvet

A purple dream

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Officially at an age when I shop for a mattress for lower back pain 😭

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

@uglybugdisco I'm happy to see Desi representation

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

@DudespostingWs But why

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

It's crazy that @iamsrk has never worked with @vidya_balan

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Asking someone "So, when will you get another pet" right after learning that they lost a pet is like asking someone "So, when are you getting married again" on the day they get their divorce. It's just insensitive and stupid. Don't do it people!

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

@beingsumit01 Begaani shaadi mein Abdulla deewana 😂

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

@LuxePosh My parents actually turn the switch off the TV off every night because they think that one small red LED is gonna increase the electricity bill drastically

[Priyanka Lakhara @codewithpri]

IT’S WILD THAT THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO SAVE SOMETHING AS A PDF IS TO LIE TO YOUR COMPUTER THAT YOU’RE ABOUT TO PRINT IT 😭😭😭

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Do you think flights should have a child free zone?

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

I made orange cranberry shortbread stars, rose pistachio cardamom shortbread cookies and raspberry jam sandwiches for a cookie swap at work 🎄

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Now Uber also has wrapped! 😶

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Got called a senior citizen at work 😭

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

@Walgreens Omg big brother Walgreens edition. Nah not gonna rat them out. Here for just schits and giggles

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Somehow my local Walgreens has the most incompetent staff in the history of incompetent staff

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Cats are so stupid, they don't even understand the day light time savings

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

The girl at the cash register asks me my date of birth. Then goes on to perform mental math and keeps messing. I stand there for 2+ mins and she's just counting on fingers. Then she gets frustrated. And asks- are you above 21?

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Yeah sex is cool but have you ever tried crying along with the entire theater in Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale? 😭

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

Also, today is the last day of my 37th year. This year I'm just feeling so peaceful, almost to the level of being considered indifferent about my birthday. No desire to make any celebratory plans, just enjoy the day, the weather and my little domestic life. I'm ready, 38!

[Purple Velvet @purplexvelvet]

I'm so proud of myself that Burning man already happened and not once I posted/tweeted about how much I miss it.