monse;

funaron a todos los q staneaba

[monse; @quackdrm]

ITS HERE MY BDAY CARD SIGNED BY SAPNAP IS HERE IM SCREAMING

[monse; @quackdrm]

mi tl nunca habia estado tan muerto

[monse; @quackdrm]

hola chat

[CHASE ATLANTIC @ChaseAtlantic]

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[monse; @quackdrm]

como q liam payne se murio

[culture @notgwendalupe]

10 things i hate about you, 1999

[monse; @quackdrm]

@oneruel @dmasmusic que

[monse; @quackdrm]

mi aweli (87) se acaba de enterar que Cerati falleció

[zayn @zaynmalik]

ROOM UNDER THE STAIRS 
17.05.2024
PRE-ORDER FRIDAY

https://t.co/ZWVdXd4UVD

[cupid @vmpirednp]

are we sure this isn't all just one big social experiment bc dawg 💀💀

[monse; @quackdrm]

literalmente se sacó esto de la raja que esta pasando

[monse; @quackdrm]

que triste estoy

[monse; @quackdrm]

que wea ta pasando

[bio the unbeloved 👾 @bioloveds]

"you can clearly consent without verbally specifically saying yes, just as a nod your head to say yes"

WHAT. THE. FUCK. what is happening oh my fucking god, you cannot be serious. she was INTOXICATED, drunk people cannot give consent, ever. i am beyond sickened.

[monse; @quackdrm]

a la verga

[▪︎Sol @ISenseiYola]

What we wanted: watch Minecraft YouTubers

What we got: trauma trauma + trauma

[monse; @quackdrm]

que triste estoy

[Punz @Punztw]

(I removed art from my profile in respect and by request of the artist.)

I would like to start this off by saying that in no way do I intend to invalidate victims in this statement. I unequivocally stand with victims of sexual assault. These are very serious allegations being brought against me and I would like to treat them as such. I will directly be referring to statements with quotes from Andi’s posts regarding me.

Background
This statement is giving more context to a relationship I had with Andi (andivmg.) There’s a few main takeaways I feel are important. I felt, during and after processing our relationship, that Andi and I’s personalities were incompatible. This caused a lot of clashing, constant arguments and stress on both of us. I felt like because of this, on both sides, it brought out the worst of us. I do not stand by all of my actions during this relationship, I feel as though they do not represent the person I am today.

I don’t want to focus on small details as to not take away from my main points and defenses, but I would like to shed some light on some of her exaggerations and untrue allegations as well as provide my perspective so you can see that this was not one sided situations with me as a perpetrator and her as a victim, but how much of our relationship consisted of an extremely toxic dynamic with inexcusable behavior on both sides.

“Dubious consent”
I’d like to start by addressing the night of April 25th as referred to in Andi’s statement, while also bringing up context she talked about in her Tumblr post on February 27th, 2024. I’d like to tread carefully on this sensitive topic, but also stand firm on the fact that I did not and would not take advantage of anyone ever. I realize that this is all my word against hers, so I would like to explain my experience in the most concise way possible and let you form your own opinions. In the prior post, she mentioned something that did stand true, which was that there was a long period of time with zero intimacy that was because of myself. My lack of libido has followed me for many years and thus caused issues in multiple relationships, even having me wondering if I am possibly asexual because I’m not meeting the standards of my partners. I am saying this to further explain that in no way am I a sexual or “horny” person. I was not one to initiate sex often at all. I’ve always worked hard to validate and support past victims of sexual assault, including my own partners, which is why I am asking you to understand my point of view in my recollection of the night of April 25th. explicit warning - somewhat vivid depictions of a sexual encounter necessary for context From the time that we began drinking to the time that we got in bed together, at least 3 hours had passed. In this time, she had no more than 3 drinks, and I had approximately 5. To my memory, she had about 2.5 Smirnoff Ices. Andi says I “said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was” and I told her that she “initiated sex with me and was very enthusiastic about it” and this was true. She got on top of me, straddled and began making out with me. This was a routine way she would initiate our sexual encounters during our year long relationship so I sensed nothing out of the ordinary. At no point was she seeming dizzy, slurring her words, or at all incoherent during this time. I didn’t think she was any more than tipsy. I’d been around her drinking before, I genuinely didn’t think she had “too many” drinks and I would have never initiated or continued having sex with her if I had any idea that something was wrong. “The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” This statement Andi made is true. The tone of my response was sarcastic coming from a place of genuine cluelessness. She regularly slept with little clothing on and I had no idea she was fully naked as I am not someone who touches my partners while sleeping. I wasn’t saying it matter of factly, but also didn’t mean any harm by what I said. This is because at no point during this conversation (or any of our later discussions, for that matter) did I feel like she was accusing me of taking advantage of her. This situation was brought up between us in conversation after the fact where she confirmed to me that she believed I wouldn’t take advantage of her and that she trusts me. Anything I said to “make light of the situation” was not meant to dismiss her feelings. She did seem confused that she was not wearing clothes, but I didn’t feel like she was even insinuating that I could’ve crossed a line. I have always been extremely cautious and understanding of her experience every time we were intimate.

And to Andi,
With everything I’ve said, I still don’t mean to invalidate your experience. You do not deserve to go through life not knowing what happened that night. I am sorry that I came off as being unserious to a very serious matter. I really hope that you still believe that I did not and never would take advantage of you in the slightest.

Hiding the Relationship
“Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much.” While Andi may have felt that I was embarrassed to be with her, this is not at all how I viewed our relationship. We began speaking and dating while long distance and very early on into us talking, I made it very clear that if we were to pursue a relationship together, it would have to be private for the unforeseeable future. This was something she agreed to in order to move forward. Her being “cancelled” was not at all why we weren’t public. At the time, I was growing exponentially online and couldn’t predict the actions of fans. I looked for guidance from peers often and was advised that keeping my romantic relationships private would be better for everyone. Although it may have negatively affected her or us, I genuinely didn’t think it would ever be safe to be public with her, and that is not only for my sake, but hers as well. I do realize this may have caused distress or felt unfair for her and I never intended for that. After seeing how awful fans treated her without confirmation of us, I only assumed it would worsen if I publicized it. She mentioned I did defend her on multiple occasions, which is true. I stood behind her even when it hurt my reputation.

Racism
The background for anyone who isn’t aware is that Andi said the b-slur publicly and received a lot of backlash online for it. This was during our relationship. While we were in the car talking about the situation, I made an idiotic comment where I said “I mean you are a b*****, aren’t you?” in which I said the word once, not twice as Andi refers to in her statement. This comment came from a place of genuine ineducation as I was confused as to why people were offended. I thought it was a slur referring to any Hispanic person, and I wrongly assumed that she could reclaim it as a Puerto Rican. After this was said, I could instantly tell that Andi was not okay with it. I apologized profusely and felt extremely guilty for saying it. I was completely remorseful and not at all smiling or laughing at her reaction. This was still an extremely stupid mistake on my part and in no way did I mean to offend her.

“I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that.” It was after this situation in the car that I helped Andi write her public apology. I did not say this while she was writing it. “My little b*****” This part is just a straight lie, I did not say that. While I realize that this is a word I cannot and should never have said, it was not said in the context or with the words Andi claims.

I wholeheartedly am sorry for ever letting this word come out of my mouth and can assure you that I have never ever said it again. I apologize to anyone who feels let down or has lost trust in me after hearing this.

“He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there” I did refuse to visit her in Puerto Rico and in all honesty, this was for completely selfish reasons. I wanted to stream consistently and this was the peak of my career. This was another instance of me being a bad boyfriend, but it was not for any other reasons she may suggest.

“He implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them.” We were watching Bridgerton and Andi asked me if I found these actresses to be attractive. I figured, as she was my girlfriend, the best response would be to say that I was not attracted to them and that they were not my type. My intention was literally to reassure her that she is the person I am attracted to, not to “imply they are too dark.” “Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color wasn’t attractive.” All I wanted during my Bridgerton answer was to reassure Andi that she was the only person I was attracted to. This was completely unrelated to something I said to her when we were breaking up. I have never said to Andi that her skin color was too dark or unattractive.

Friend A
In Andi’s Tumblr post from February 27th, 2024, she references herself and a friend of mine who “hit her up.” My preface is that with Friend A, Andi had flirtatious interactions before, during and after our romantic relationship. This is a much larger creator than myself and someone I was closely associated with at the time. She says “there was some flirtation going on but nothing serious. I was still in love with 1 (me) but, at the time, i was in desperate need for attention and his buddy was there to provide it.” Her interactions with this person were one of the largest contributors to my lack of trust and many of our arguments in the future. Andi initially messaged Friend A before her and I were dating with a flirtatious message with a desire to make content with him. Months into our relationship and after I had already moved to Florida (and essentially gotten more serious with Andi,) I was in a discord call with Friend A and this friend decided to tell me that Andi had dm’d him before, but refused to disclose what she had sent to him and she deleted her messages on her end. When I confronted Andi, she continuously said she couldn’t recall what she sent or even what it could potentially be about. Our relationship was extremely rocky and we broke up numerous times, so I’m not sure if we were dating or technically on an “exclusive break,” but during one of these times is when Andi and friend A were flirting and simultaneously talking poorly about me - “poked fun at the fact that he broke up with me but got mad at someone else paying attention to me.” She did show me messages during this time but I distinctly remember there being missing context and areas where the conversation didn’t line up and she would intentionally hide certain things they talked about from me. I would suggest there was more and with more provoking, she would eventually admit it and show me some of what she was hiding. This happened multiple times and the more she showed me, the worse it got. She reassured me multiple times that there was nothing romantic between them and that she wanted to be with me. “The next day he called me and we were basically back together again. However, this time, i was meant to earn his affection. Because i did something so unforgivable and atrocious, he was basically in the clear to treat me like shit.” If you could even possibly understand who Friend A was to me, then maybe it would make sense why I was so emotionally distraught. Like I’ve said, I am aware there were instances where I acted like a poor boyfriend. But this was amidst the biggest betrayal of my entire life. I couldn’t tell if she was using him to hurt me, she actually wanted to be with him more, or both. I questioned everything.

Moving on to a couple months after our breakup, there was a situation where both Andi and I were invited to the same gathering with friends. At this point, things were somewhat civil and we had the same mutual friends. On an outing, Andi is looking over at my phone asking who I am talking to. I tell her the person (who is someone I later go on to have a relationship with.) She proceeds to list off 3-4 people she was snapchatting and then says “you’re not gonna like the last person” and then proceeds to say Friend A. This was the moment that I decided I could not be civil with or associated with her any longer. There was no reason for her to even need to tell me they were talking but I can only imagine it was intentional to hurt me. I later learned that our mutual friends had been aware this was happening with Friend A as Andi told them and they advised her to stop talking to this person and that it was wrong, but she did not care. Her and Friend A pursued each other well after it ended with us, which she admits herself she did intentionally to “hurt even a quarter of how (she) did.”

Issues regarding this person had come up so many times by her own free will that I genuinely felt like she was doing it on purpose. She wanted to make sure I knew they were talking and what they were talking about and that I was hurt by what she was doing.

Friend B
Another key point in our relationship that resulted in a lot of frustration and insecurity on my part came from Andi’s interactions with another one of my good friends who has a larger platform than myself. From my knowledge, this friend didn’t tell me about it until after Andi and I were together because we began speaking privately and he didn’t know. Prior to our relationship, Andi and Friend B were mutually flirting to the point where she sent him explicit photos. This is something Andi flat out denied to me when I asked her, but Friend B told me happened. Later in 2021, there was a time where a large group including myself, Andi and Friend B were together. I felt like Andi was ignoring me and spending most of her time talking to and interacting with this friend, to the point where many of the other friends there found it to be odd and spoke about it amongst themselves and later with me. One person there even said “it seems like Andi is all over ______.” When I brought it up to her that day, she completely denied that it was even happening. This is just one concrete instance where I felt like she gaslit me into believing that she did nothing wrong and I was being crazy and overprotective. Her insincere apology many days afterwards felt like an “I’m sorry you think that” and not an admission of wrongdoing. This was not just a friend, either. This was someone she had a recent past of flirting with. This was now the second big instance that changed my perspective for the entire future of our relationship, with a confused conclusion in my head that she may have wanted my friends or other creators more than me or that she settled with me because I was willing to be with her. This made it extremely difficult to trust her and her intentions for the future of our relationship.

I feel like there were a lot of instances Andi mentioned where I can agree that I was dismissive and acting like a bad boyfriend. While I do realize these experiences have hurt her, there are many situations that she is intentionally not including or downplaying her wrongdoings to further villainize me. I don’t believe most of my actions came out of nowhere. We argued constantly.

Mental Health
I am aware that I made some invalidating comments towards Andi’s mental health during the course of our relationship. Overall, as she states, she has BPD and I was her favorite person. When she told me about her disorder, I had no prior knowledge or experience with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I felt like I was in love with her and willing to support her in all the ways I could. Obviously over time, the needs she had put a lot of stress on me that I hadn’t expected. “He would call me needy, clingy, and say that he was trying his best but that i needed too much, that i was too much.” I am completely aware how hurtful it must have felt to Andi that I was her favorite person and I essentially couldn’t handle being what she needed. I definitely told her at times that I couldn’t give her what she needed, but I wish I hadn’t put so much of that blame on her, and I’m sorry for that. At times, she experienced mental health crises that I felt alone and unequipped for and I didn’t know where to turn. She didn’t want me to tell anyone, including her family, and I didn’t want to betray her trust. This was a person I cared about very much and was struggling so much I don’t think I was fully aware that I couldn’t help her. In no way do I mean to demonize BPD. I am sure I said awfully invalidating things to Andi when she needed me most, and I don’t mean to victimize myself. I just want to be clear that this was a recurring struggle that affected both our lives and, in turn, our relationship as a whole.

Further context
“For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”.” I was on my phone and Andi knew they could hear and she was suggesting I should come do sexual things with her in the shower. I obviously did not, and this is when George said what he did. I did not stand by when George made this comment, I immediately called him out. To further back this up, Andi did not hear this comment herself as she was already in the shower. I told her what he said myself after she was done because it didn’t sit right with me.
“I was recovering from my ED… whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat.” I feel as though the entirety of her claims of me “calling her fat” are heavily exaggerated and not at all how it happened. Andi did have comfort foods that we would often eat together. I have never called her fat or said that she’s going to gain weight from her eating habits. The most insensitive comment I ever made regarding weight, which I meant jokingly, was along the lines of “omg we’re so fat for eating this” after a big meal. I completely understand how this could’ve hurt her feelings or been a trigger for her and I feel extremely bad that this type of stupid joke I made had hurt her.
“In general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like..” All I’ll add to this is that our relationship felt toxic and full of arguments. It does not excuse my actions, but she did just as much name calling and voice raising as I did. We fought a LOT. I’m not proud of the boyfriend I was to Andi, but I also feel the relationship was never stable or healthy for either of us.

Overall, my experience with Andi was a year+ on and off relationship with a lot of complexities, as most relationships have. I am including a screenshot which is my last and only interaction with Andi since July 2022, and it is one I did not respond to. While I understand she may have trauma and a negative experience after our relationship, our relationship was something that very heavily negatively impacted both of us and in where we both hurt each other. This is the first I’m hearing of most of her claims listed here. It’s taken me a while to collect my thoughts and give the best response possible. If you at least hear me out, then thank you. Regardless, I am sorry for the way I treated you and the damage I may have caused, Andi. I hope that you can heal from your experiences and that you feel okay again one day.

[Punz @Punztw]

(I removed art from my profile in respect and by request of the artist.)

I would like to start this off by saying that in no way do I intend to invalidate victims in this statement. I unequivocally stand with victims of sexual assault. These are very serious allegations being brought against me and I would like to treat them as such. I will directly be referring to statements with quotes from Andi’s posts regarding me.

Background
This statement is giving more context to a relationship I had with Andi (andivmg.) There’s a few main takeaways I feel are important. I felt, during and after processing our relationship, that Andi and I’s personalities were incompatible. This caused a lot of clashing, constant arguments and stress on both of us. I felt like because of this, on both sides, it brought out the worst of us. I do not stand by all of my actions during this relationship, I feel as though they do not represent the person I am today.

I don’t want to focus on small details as to not take away from my main points and defenses, but I would like to shed some light on some of her exaggerations and untrue allegations as well as provide my perspective so you can see that this was not one sided situations with me as a perpetrator and her as a victim, but how much of our relationship consisted of an extremely toxic dynamic with inexcusable behavior on both sides.

“Dubious consent”
I’d like to start by addressing the night of April 25th as referred to in Andi’s statement, while also bringing up context she talked about in her Tumblr post on February 27th, 2024. I’d like to tread carefully on this sensitive topic, but also stand firm on the fact that I did not and would not take advantage of anyone ever. I realize that this is all my word against hers, so I would like to explain my experience in the most concise way possible and let you form your own opinions. In the prior post, she mentioned something that did stand true, which was that there was a long period of time with zero intimacy that was because of myself. My lack of libido has followed me for many years and thus caused issues in multiple relationships, even having me wondering if I am possibly asexual because I’m not meeting the standards of my partners. I am saying this to further explain that in no way am I a sexual or “horny” person. I was not one to initiate sex often at all. I’ve always worked hard to validate and support past victims of sexual assault, including my own partners, which is why I am asking you to understand my point of view in my recollection of the night of April 25th. explicit warning - somewhat vivid depictions of a sexual encounter necessary for context From the time that we began drinking to the time that we got in bed together, at least 3 hours had passed. In this time, she had no more than 3 drinks, and I had approximately 5. To my memory, she had about 2.5 Smirnoff Ices. Andi says I “said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was” and I told her that she “initiated sex with me and was very enthusiastic about it” and this was true. She got on top of me, straddled and began making out with me. This was a routine way she would initiate our sexual encounters during our year long relationship so I sensed nothing out of the ordinary. At no point was she seeming dizzy, slurring her words, or at all incoherent during this time. I didn’t think she was any more than tipsy. I’d been around her drinking before, I genuinely didn’t think she had “too many” drinks and I would have never initiated or continued having sex with her if I had any idea that something was wrong. “The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” This statement Andi made is true. The tone of my response was sarcastic coming from a place of genuine cluelessness. She regularly slept with little clothing on and I had no idea she was fully naked as I am not someone who touches my partners while sleeping. I wasn’t saying it matter of factly, but also didn’t mean any harm by what I said. This is because at no point during this conversation (or any of our later discussions, for that matter) did I feel like she was accusing me of taking advantage of her. This situation was brought up between us in conversation after the fact where she confirmed to me that she believed I wouldn’t take advantage of her and that she trusts me. Anything I said to “make light of the situation” was not meant to dismiss her feelings. She did seem confused that she was not wearing clothes, but I didn’t feel like she was even insinuating that I could’ve crossed a line. I have always been extremely cautious and understanding of her experience every time we were intimate.

And to Andi,
With everything I’ve said, I still don’t mean to invalidate your experience. You do not deserve to go through life not knowing what happened that night. I am sorry that I came off as being unserious to a very serious matter. I really hope that you still believe that I did not and never would take advantage of you in the slightest.

Hiding the Relationship
“Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much.” While Andi may have felt that I was embarrassed to be with her, this is not at all how I viewed our relationship. We began speaking and dating while long distance and very early on into us talking, I made it very clear that if we were to pursue a relationship together, it would have to be private for the unforeseeable future. This was something she agreed to in order to move forward. Her being “cancelled” was not at all why we weren’t public. At the time, I was growing exponentially online and couldn’t predict the actions of fans. I looked for guidance from peers often and was advised that keeping my romantic relationships private would be better for everyone. Although it may have negatively affected her or us, I genuinely didn’t think it would ever be safe to be public with her, and that is not only for my sake, but hers as well. I do realize this may have caused distress or felt unfair for her and I never intended for that. After seeing how awful fans treated her without confirmation of us, I only assumed it would worsen if I publicized it. She mentioned I did defend her on multiple occasions, which is true. I stood behind her even when it hurt my reputation.

Racism
The background for anyone who isn’t aware is that Andi said the b-slur publicly and received a lot of backlash online for it. This was during our relationship. While we were in the car talking about the situation, I made an idiotic comment where I said “I mean you are a b*****, aren’t you?” in which I said the word once, not twice as Andi refers to in her statement. This comment came from a place of genuine ineducation as I was confused as to why people were offended. I thought it was a slur referring to any Hispanic person, and I wrongly assumed that she could reclaim it as a Puerto Rican. After this was said, I could instantly tell that Andi was not okay with it. I apologized profusely and felt extremely guilty for saying it. I was completely remorseful and not at all smiling or laughing at her reaction. This was still an extremely stupid mistake on my part and in no way did I mean to offend her.

“I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that.” It was after this situation in the car that I helped Andi write her public apology. I did not say this while she was writing it. “My little b*****” This part is just a straight lie, I did not say that. While I realize that this is a word I cannot and should never have said, it was not said in the context or with the words Andi claims.

I wholeheartedly am sorry for ever letting this word come out of my mouth and can assure you that I have never ever said it again. I apologize to anyone who feels let down or has lost trust in me after hearing this.

“He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there” I did refuse to visit her in Puerto Rico and in all honesty, this was for completely selfish reasons. I wanted to stream consistently and this was the peak of my career. This was another instance of me being a bad boyfriend, but it was not for any other reasons she may suggest.

“He implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them.” We were watching Bridgerton and Andi asked me if I found these actresses to be attractive. I figured, as she was my girlfriend, the best response would be to say that I was not attracted to them and that they were not my type. My intention was literally to reassure her that she is the person I am attracted to, not to “imply they are too dark.” “Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color wasn’t attractive.” All I wanted during my Bridgerton answer was to reassure Andi that she was the only person I was attracted to. This was completely unrelated to something I said to her when we were breaking up. I have never said to Andi that her skin color was too dark or unattractive.

Friend A
In Andi’s Tumblr post from February 27th, 2024, she references herself and a friend of mine who “hit her up.” My preface is that with Friend A, Andi had flirtatious interactions before, during and after our romantic relationship. This is a much larger creator than myself and someone I was closely associated with at the time. She says “there was some flirtation going on but nothing serious. I was still in love with 1 (me) but, at the time, i was in desperate need for attention and his buddy was there to provide it.” Her interactions with this person were one of the largest contributors to my lack of trust and many of our arguments in the future. Andi initially messaged Friend A before her and I were dating with a flirtatious message with a desire to make content with him. Months into our relationship and after I had already moved to Florida (and essentially gotten more serious with Andi,) I was in a discord call with Friend A and this friend decided to tell me that Andi had dm’d him before, but refused to disclose what she had sent to him and she deleted her messages on her end. When I confronted Andi, she continuously said she couldn’t recall what she sent or even what it could potentially be about. Our relationship was extremely rocky and we broke up numerous times, so I’m not sure if we were dating or technically on an “exclusive break,” but during one of these times is when Andi and friend A were flirting and simultaneously talking poorly about me - “poked fun at the fact that he broke up with me but got mad at someone else paying attention to me.” She did show me messages during this time but I distinctly remember there being missing context and areas where the conversation didn’t line up and she would intentionally hide certain things they talked about from me. I would suggest there was more and with more provoking, she would eventually admit it and show me some of what she was hiding. This happened multiple times and the more she showed me, the worse it got. She reassured me multiple times that there was nothing romantic between them and that she wanted to be with me. “The next day he called me and we were basically back together again. However, this time, i was meant to earn his affection. Because i did something so unforgivable and atrocious, he was basically in the clear to treat me like shit.” If you could even possibly understand who Friend A was to me, then maybe it would make sense why I was so emotionally distraught. Like I’ve said, I am aware there were instances where I acted like a poor boyfriend. But this was amidst the biggest betrayal of my entire life. I couldn’t tell if she was using him to hurt me, she actually wanted to be with him more, or both. I questioned everything.

Moving on to a couple months after our breakup, there was a situation where both Andi and I were invited to the same gathering with friends. At this point, things were somewhat civil and we had the same mutual friends. On an outing, Andi is looking over at my phone asking who I am talking to. I tell her the person (who is someone I later go on to have a relationship with.) She proceeds to list off 3-4 people she was snapchatting and then says “you’re not gonna like the last person” and then proceeds to say Friend A. This was the moment that I decided I could not be civil with or associated with her any longer. There was no reason for her to even need to tell me they were talking but I can only imagine it was intentional to hurt me. I later learned that our mutual friends had been aware this was happening with Friend A as Andi told them and they advised her to stop talking to this person and that it was wrong, but she did not care. Her and Friend A pursued each other well after it ended with us, which she admits herself she did intentionally to “hurt even a quarter of how (she) did.”

Issues regarding this person had come up so many times by her own free will that I genuinely felt like she was doing it on purpose. She wanted to make sure I knew they were talking and what they were talking about and that I was hurt by what she was doing.

Friend B
Another key point in our relationship that resulted in a lot of frustration and insecurity on my part came from Andi’s interactions with another one of my good friends who has a larger platform than myself. From my knowledge, this friend didn’t tell me about it until after Andi and I were together because we began speaking privately and he didn’t know. Prior to our relationship, Andi and Friend B were mutually flirting to the point where she sent him explicit photos. This is something Andi flat out denied to me when I asked her, but Friend B told me happened. Later in 2021, there was a time where a large group including myself, Andi and Friend B were together. I felt like Andi was ignoring me and spending most of her time talking to and interacting with this friend, to the point where many of the other friends there found it to be odd and spoke about it amongst themselves and later with me. One person there even said “it seems like Andi is all over ______.” When I brought it up to her that day, she completely denied that it was even happening. This is just one concrete instance where I felt like she gaslit me into believing that she did nothing wrong and I was being crazy and overprotective. Her insincere apology many days afterwards felt like an “I’m sorry you think that” and not an admission of wrongdoing. This was not just a friend, either. This was someone she had a recent past of flirting with. This was now the second big instance that changed my perspective for the entire future of our relationship, with a confused conclusion in my head that she may have wanted my friends or other creators more than me or that she settled with me because I was willing to be with her. This made it extremely difficult to trust her and her intentions for the future of our relationship.

I feel like there were a lot of instances Andi mentioned where I can agree that I was dismissive and acting like a bad boyfriend. While I do realize these experiences have hurt her, there are many situations that she is intentionally not including or downplaying her wrongdoings to further villainize me. I don’t believe most of my actions came out of nowhere. We argued constantly.

Mental Health
I am aware that I made some invalidating comments towards Andi’s mental health during the course of our relationship. Overall, as she states, she has BPD and I was her favorite person. When she told me about her disorder, I had no prior knowledge or experience with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I felt like I was in love with her and willing to support her in all the ways I could. Obviously over time, the needs she had put a lot of stress on me that I hadn’t expected. “He would call me needy, clingy, and say that he was trying his best but that i needed too much, that i was too much.” I am completely aware how hurtful it must have felt to Andi that I was her favorite person and I essentially couldn’t handle being what she needed. I definitely told her at times that I couldn’t give her what she needed, but I wish I hadn’t put so much of that blame on her, and I’m sorry for that. At times, she experienced mental health crises that I felt alone and unequipped for and I didn’t know where to turn. She didn’t want me to tell anyone, including her family, and I didn’t want to betray her trust. This was a person I cared about very much and was struggling so much I don’t think I was fully aware that I couldn’t help her. In no way do I mean to demonize BPD. I am sure I said awfully invalidating things to Andi when she needed me most, and I don’t mean to victimize myself. I just want to be clear that this was a recurring struggle that affected both our lives and, in turn, our relationship as a whole.

Further context
“For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”.” I was on my phone and Andi knew they could hear and she was suggesting I should come do sexual things with her in the shower. I obviously did not, and this is when George said what he did. I did not stand by when George made this comment, I immediately called him out. To further back this up, Andi did not hear this comment herself as she was already in the shower. I told her what he said myself after she was done because it didn’t sit right with me.
“I was recovering from my ED… whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat.” I feel as though the entirety of her claims of me “calling her fat” are heavily exaggerated and not at all how it happened. Andi did have comfort foods that we would often eat together. I have never called her fat or said that she’s going to gain weight from her eating habits. The most insensitive comment I ever made regarding weight, which I meant jokingly, was along the lines of “omg we’re so fat for eating this” after a big meal. I completely understand how this could’ve hurt her feelings or been a trigger for her and I feel extremely bad that this type of stupid joke I made had hurt her.
“In general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like..” All I’ll add to this is that our relationship felt toxic and full of arguments. It does not excuse my actions, but she did just as much name calling and voice raising as I did. We fought a LOT. I’m not proud of the boyfriend I was to Andi, but I also feel the relationship was never stable or healthy for either of us.

Overall, my experience with Andi was a year+ on and off relationship with a lot of complexities, as most relationships have. I am including a screenshot which is my last and only interaction with Andi since July 2022, and it is one I did not respond to. While I understand she may have trauma and a negative experience after our relationship, our relationship was something that very heavily negatively impacted both of us and in where we both hurt each other. This is the first I’m hearing of most of her claims listed here. It’s taken me a while to collect my thoughts and give the best response possible. If you at least hear me out, then thank you. Regardless, I am sorry for the way I treated you and the damage I may have caused, Andi. I hope that you can heal from your experiences and that you feel okay again one day.