rodeo mouse

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

went to a diff al anon meeting

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i don’t like forcing myself to eat when i’m sad

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i have no freaking money.

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i’m so depressed and even more depressed wondering how long this will last til i am over it. over the waste of 4 years

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

why was it so easy to leave my good ex who didn’t do anything wrong ever and was such a good boyfriend. & for 4 years i can’t leave someone who acts disloyal when he’s drunk, pushes me, drags me, says he wants to bash my head in, hopes i die etc. i can’t walk away from that?

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

knowing HE wouldn’t forgive me & knowing HE would be done with this relationship despite all the time i invested in it & everything i have done for him, i called knowing i would lose him. it just sucks that i put up with it for nothing. i wish i left sooner if it would end anyway

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i could have just gone home & never spoken to him again or waited for his apology text that night after he punched me, dragged me by my hair, threatened to slit my throat & threatened to hit me with a wine bottle. but i said cheyenne this has crossed the line. i had to call

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i am so sad. i spend 4 years with someone and put up with alcoholism because i believe he can change and then it’s all over and down the drain because i call the police cause he went too far

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

only ever violent when he’s drunk so i can probably count on 2 hands the incidents in the last 4 years. it wasn’t an every day thing or a common thing at all. and things i excuses. but what am i supposed to do when he punches me in the face? just go home like nothing?

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i feel sick

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i guess i should start referring to him as my ex. the bruises my ex put on me are almost completely healed. i have a scab on my elbow that still feels raw

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

when i don’t want anyone around me, i still want to be around him. when i don’t wanna hear anyones stupid voice, i wanna hear his. i have one of his deodorants here. i keep smelling it. i miss him. why?

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i don’t like being alone. but i never want to date again. who wants to go thru all that?
i had someone i liked being with, doing things with. who i had already gotten to know and who knew me. who i am most comfortable around. only he has to be stupid and drink & become a monster

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

feeling very disheartened

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

no one came to me with the first shit to ask if anything that weirdo was saying was true, they all just kept spreading and laughing.
now, is anyone coming to ask me if i’m ok after what my bf who they all know works there did to me? no. just keep gossiping and spreading

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i have been the gossip of the track for 3 months. first with the weird shit that freak was spreading about me. and now somehow everyone knows my bf was arrested and jailed for hitting me.
and no one says anything to my face. gossiping losers

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

nada dura para siempre

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i got court case notification stuff in the mail 🙃

[rodeo mouse @queenoftherodeo]

i have 5 space heaters going in my house. up to 55 degrees now with my oven running with the door open and water boiling on the stove lmao