Quick Gag

Less chat, more gags.

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I hate negotiating for a job at a school. I’m not willing to discuss terms.

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I’m terrified of negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

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Did you hear about the man who fell into a well? He couldn’t see that well

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Someone stole all my next door neighbours grass last night. He’s out there now looking forlorn...

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I’ve been working 7 days a week recently so I went to Cornwall to time off in Looe...

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I called the suppositories helpline the other day. They’re so rude!

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To the person who stole my Microsoft Office - you're going to pay. You have my Word.

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My friend can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.

He's got back issues.

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#cheggers https://t.co/hodfsIh1IW

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her some superglue instead,

She's still not talking to me.

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RIP Cheggers. We stole a lot of terrible gags from you. ❤️

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Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular.

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Musician is on trial for killing a fan with a guitar. Judge asks, “First offender?”. The owner replies, “No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!”

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A clown just held a door open for me. What a nice jester.

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Apparently Bruce Forsythe died from a seizure... A nice to seizure to seizure nice

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Knock knock! Who's there? Europe. Europe Who? No YOU'RE a poo.

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Why should you never fart in an Apple Store? They don't have Windows

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Messi goes up to a girl in a club and says "Get your coat, you've pulled"
She says "Wow, you're a little forward!" #nationaltellajokeday

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@ChrisMoylesShow What did @domisatwit say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, i’ll never part with it.

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Did you hear about the cat who committed a semi serious crime? The police gave him a fur ball warning. #internationalcatsday

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I've just seen an advert in my local newspaper.
ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000

So I rang them and said, "The answer is minus £5,000"