Sara Emmett

I like jokes. Sometimes I make them. Oftentimes they're bad. 🍉🍉🍉

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

I wonder who the first person to lick an asshole & say "this is gonna be a problem for me" was.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@yyjgingerblu Tell me again how Zionism is sexy, little girl.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@yyjgingerblu

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@yyjgingerblu

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@yyjgingerblu The Israeli government's war crimes/Zionist regime are killing babies. Would you like to watch some of the horrific videos coming out of Gaza to see how "sexy" Zionism is? Or how about reading the statements of six IDF soliders who are now whistleblowing on their own government?

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@XboxP3 I get that you're trying to make Starfield a thing but all you're doing is inciting hatred within the ES fanbase on a level only George R.R. Martin can understand. We have waited SO LONG. Bethesda was aiming for 2024. Whyyyyy 😭😭😭

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Not to be a mouth breather but as I look towards 2024, I can't help but feel unbridled rage towards @XboxP3 for pushing the ES6 release behind Fable??? 1/2

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

No one has been iced at the last three birthday parties I've attended so I guess I'm middle-aged now.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

The most demoralizing part of being single at 33 is that I actually do need a man to help me open jars.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@dyke_in_denial Surprised you could find time to tweet between all those boots you must love to lick.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

I need a Neti Pot but like... for my brain.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

@slamysami69 Seriously why is this such a good photo of us

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Much to no one's surprise, I was swindled by a carnie once.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

I used to think my darkest secret was my PornHub search history but it's definitely my Instagram explore page now.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Aesthetically, cheese & soap have like... a lot in common.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Three things I can say for certain after seeing #BeauisAfraidMov
1. @AriAster fucks.
2. He has absolutely done ~a lot~ of LSD.
3. I want to do LSD with him.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Best song to get your back blown out to?

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Going to family holiday dinners as a single 30-something woman is an extreme sport.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Stages of a Break Up
Stage 1: Realization that you will have to re-download Tinder
Stage 2: Blackout pt. 1: Bathroom Haircut
Stage 3: Blackout pt. 2 - New Dick Rising
Stage 5: Acceptance (of PoF's terms of service)
Stage 6: contract litigation - oh fuck this is a divorce

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

I'd like to take this moment to publicly thank my eyebrows for growing back after all the drug-fuelled plucking I did in the early aughts.

[Sara Emmett @quitecliche]

Nick Cannon whenever someone drops an egg within a 30 mile radius of him.