Zoza - post IP chaos

30 😮‍💨. SE-AN/BP/ AFRID. ASD. PTSD. PNES. Type 1 DM. Veggo Lw:33kg HW:52kg CW: 39kg UGW:30kg. 159cms. Minors DNI. 🇦🇺 probs swear too mucch

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Ongoing Edtwt thread of all my old body checks from when I was smaller (with approximate stats) to trigger myself…

and other similar crap.

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

I’m so scared my body is gonna cark it…. Like within the next couple yrs

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Heading home tomorrow. I’ve never had an admission this short.
Seems the goal is just to get me stable when things turn to shit… I don’t think anyone has much hope for my recovery.
I really don’t atp.

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Old BC of my fkn giant legs.

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Lately I’ve been really scared that my Ed will kill me someday.
I can’t get access to the help I need anymore. My case is too complex for eating disorder centre, other places won’t take me because of the eating disorder.
I don’t want to die.

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

** zero BP streak

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Broke a BP streak a while back prurely because this cake was $9 - instead of being $40
Not worth it

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Oh to be 35kg again….
If not 33… at least that.

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

I feel massive… I’m done with it.
Simultaneously. I so desperately want to get better.
It just feels so impossible.
I’ve wrecked my insides

[saanjh 🔮 @dontcrysaanjh]

how it feels to purge food in this economy

[Genuis Health 💊 @GenuisHealth]

The best foods for your body

[kira :3 @alluringfloral]

ᯓ★ˎˊ˗ how I went from bmi 19s to 15s eating 1000+ calories, and without gaining all the weight back!!

- a thread 🪡 for edtwt

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

I got AI to put my body next to an average AU woman. But they made my arms and boobs bigger and the woman a bit shorter than average
Still. Idk what to make of this.
Idk if I’m still massive.
I thought I at least looked Healthy average.

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

I haven’t posted much in a while. Been trynna do ng feeds at home bc my stomach is not working anymore. Alongside my fkn pancreas.
I’m so close to finishing my degree & publishing journal articles.

But I’m exhausted. Everyday is exhausting. At what point do I just give up?

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

I keep seeing my dietican and the local super market and I stg she knows I’m there to buy bp food

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

Fuck I’m locking in the second this semester is over.
Am sick of being this Fkn massive

[Sad-Eyed Lady @addyson3872150]

The biggest fear of my life is living. My second is dying

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

@purplehair_cass Almost 18yrs (I’m old). … fuck that’s the whole of someone’s childhood and adolescence

[saanjh 🔮 @dontcrysaanjh]

how i feel after checking my weight on my period

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

In other news… I started a paid internship. My professor wants to help me publish an article….

Why does this not feel as good as it should?

[Zoza - post IP chaos @r31apseZed]

UPDATE: I lasted 46 days before about BP … since then it’s been daily for almost 2 wks 😭

But I finished the assessments from last year and got 90 for both courses. 🥳 too bad I’m losing my shit again.
I’ve also probs gained so much weight. I’m terrified to weigh myself