june

21

[june @rabbit_kcals]

every day i hope i die in my sleep i need to lose more weight

[june @rabbit_kcals]

I want to kill myself I haven't had a poop in over a week and I want to weigh myself but with all that shit inside of me, the number will make me actually strangle something

[june @rabbit_kcals]

not good enough. to think this time 2 years ago i was almost bmi 14s. now i'm stagnating at 19.0. what have i become and how did "recovery" ruin me so bad.

[june @rabbit_kcals]

imma lock in on getting worse this time fr

[june @rabbit_kcals]

sad and hate my body but need to lock in

[june @rabbit_kcals]

why was i normal for like 3 months and now im randomly crashing out again!!

[june @rabbit_kcals]

i have lost 15 lbs since getting out of treatment (ip/res/php) but i'm still stuck in bmi 19 jail and it's unbearable but i dont think i can afford to relapse if i want to stay on top of things

[june @rabbit_kcals]

things were fine for a while but a wave of shame just came over me; the busy-ness was saving me but i'm relatively less busy now as things are coming to an end and riding that high after receiving my mcat score (522!) is gone and now i'm not even enjoying research i just need wl

[june @rabbit_kcals]

i think im doomed to kms anyway if every single day im so close bruh i just need to do it rn

[june @rabbit_kcals]

the pursuit of happiness is just propaganda and not real

[june @rabbit_kcals]

so my bf told me i was eating too many snacks (i went back for a 3rd handful of kettle corn and it was all id eaten by 9pm) and now im sooo motivated to lose weight but also so tired i dont even care about losing weight i just want to find a convenient time to die

[june @rabbit_kcals]

im so fucking sad nothing is going well i have no will to live i'm alone i put myself here happiness is so transient i feel so alone am i really so crazy to have loved the attention from my attempt despite hating everything else but i am so alone i want to try again i might

[june @rabbit_kcals]

im so fucking sad i cant do this ugh

[june @rabbit_kcals]

lmao

[june @rabbit_kcals]

him telling me i can just stop and i should just eat its not that hard its not like i have full blown anorexia anymore makes me want to get sicker and prove him wrong

[june @rabbit_kcals]

so deeply i want comfort man

when i do something ed related or whatever or i express to my bf that i cant eat something or feel bad about myself he only looks at my blankly and says "stop" ir fully ignores it

[june @rabbit_kcals]

guys it shouldnt be possible but i had 1400 cals yesterday and woke up 5 lbs heavier HOW

[june @rabbit_kcals]

please it before work please 😭

[june @rabbit_kcals]

so opposite problem as before my lax wont hit and im sleepy

[june @rabbit_kcals]

is one 1500 calories day going to ruin my weight lods