daniel

[daniel @raisindan]

Our simulations being run by an unpaid intern

[The Associated Press @AP]

Pete Davidson is heading to space. The “Saturday Night Live” star will be among the six passengers on the next launch of Jeff Bezos' space travel venture, Blue Origin.

https://t.co/8Q8G6wIU1r

[daniel @raisindan]

My favorite part about capitalism is how companies say shit like “high durability nanoparticle technology” and their product is just socks

[daniel @raisindan]

Only love for Tom Holland and Andrew Garfield but you’re telling me Disney couldn’t find one kid in Queens that can do a backflip

[daniel @raisindan]

The bosses who want workers back in the office are the same people who microwave fish in the break room

[daniel @raisindan]

Joe asking for those loans back like we didn’t just have a 70 degree day in December and the Earth isn’t on fire

[daniel @raisindan]

Trader Joe’s is immune to inflation

[daniel @raisindan]

First things first rest In peace Dr Phil

[daniel @raisindan]

The first person to hear a parrot talk

[daniel @raisindan]

Carl Wheezer please send me your workout routine 🍊🍊🍊

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

Do dogs understand elevators or are they just like ok it's time to get into the world changer

[daniel @raisindan]

“Google would like to know your location”

I’m looking up the cast of Shrek Google please read the room

[daniel @raisindan]

Are they just eating straight slices of American cheese

[i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan]

we’re so happy to have our son’s girlfriend over! you speak such good english!

[daniel @raisindan]

I don’t use a grocery list, I just go down each aisle 6 times. It’s cool cause my house has 8 gallons of cranberry juice and no bread

[daniel @raisindan]

Me: has 1500 songs in my library.

The two songs by Nickelback: we will only play when you hit shuffle in the car with other people

[COLiN BURGESS @Colinoscopy]

1 minute before the museum closes

[A happier day @AHappierDay]

Our shelter cat, Cheezit, is a heavy sleeper and has no worries

[daniel @raisindan]

If anyone has Mulan on Blu Ray with bonus features hmu please

[daniel @raisindan]

Mom can you mail me my crocs with the straps that work this kid said he wants to throw hands on Friday

[daniel @raisindan]

You still have a week to change this @HBO

[Pitchfork @pitchfork]

The new season of "Game of Thrones" will feature a new song from the Weeknd, Travis Scott, and SZA https://t.co/QpW0NOOpZn

[daniel @raisindan]

Whoever stole my plant identification guide I just wanna have a quick word