Random Mom Thoughts

Random thoughts of a mom of two, one girl and one boy. Mommying since 2014. #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

Sometimes I have to stop myself from pointing out planes and trains to strangers. #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

When your husband is doing the Apple Watch breathe exercise and your 6 year old says “your Apple Watch is not your boss” and I love her even more now. #momlife #apple #AppleWatch

[The Salty Mamas @saltymamas]

Husband last year: What do you mean she's "mean" to you? She's 2. They're kids. It shouldn't hurt your feelings.

Husband during quarantine: *crying into gallon of ice cream* I just don't know why she'd say that to me? And she just screams at me all the time.

Welcome to my world

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

Anyone else at the stage of the bedtime countdown...? “Only 1 more hour only 1 more hour” #momlife #Quaratine

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

You know those days as a parent when you’re like “what the hell was that?” This is quarantine. #momlife #QuarantineLife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

When you order chocolate for Easter and it arrives on the hottest day of the year... #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

Getting @HyVee groceries a week later isn’t so bad, it’s like Christmas! “I don’t remember ordering this! Yay!” Thank you @HyVee for keeping up safe! #momlife #QuarantineLife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

I know shit is about to hit the fan... my husband has resorted to wearing mismatched socks. This never happens. #Quarantine

[threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy]

Me, arriving home from work having survived Monday, thinking I can spend some quality, life affirming time with the kids before their bedtime and forget all about my job for a while.

10 year old: Wow you look old and worn out today.

[threetimedaddy @threetimedaddy]

A lot of parents (myself included) use twitter to vent about the shit their kids do

But no one likes to admit kids pick up annoying behaviour from those closest to them

So next time your kid acts like a jerk, stop and take a long hard look at your...

other half and blame them

[TwinzerDad @TwinzerDad]

People say life gets boring after you get married and have kids, but it’s Friday night and I just cracked open a brand new toothbrush so I beg to differ.

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

When your kid coughs in your face. #momlife

[Brooklyn Decker @BrooklynDecker]

I made my 4-year-old an “almond milk steamer” basically just warmed up almond milk.

After a few sips he says “Mama this steamer tastes like the walls in our house.”

🤦‍♀️

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

When you walk into the kitchen to find your two year old with the fridge open and licking the spray butter nozzle. #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

I’m surprised @alexa99 hasn’t recommended any parenting books with all the yelling she hears. #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

When your kid will eat hot lunch all week, it’s the little things. #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

Snow is in the forecast for Halloween, does this mean I can eat all the candy I bought for trick or treaters? 🎃 #momlife

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

How many times have you started the bath and forgot to shut the drain? 🤦🏼‍♀️ #momlife

[Anecdotal Birthcontrol @AnecdtlBrthCtrl]

Everyone is tired and hungry and crying

- an after school special

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

[middle of church]

5-year-old: I have to go potty.

Me: Why didn't you go before church?

5: I wasn't bored then.

[Random Mom Thoughts @randmomthoughts]

Just online shopping at 3 AM because my kiddo is sick. 😴 #momlife