Samuel Hanson

wannabe norse god
illustrative portrait photographer
schleppy avocado

[𖤐 Bri 𖤐 @BriAnimator_]

Whoever decided we needed the two most beautiful people in 1999 to star in The Mummy thank you for your service

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

This just reminded me of another time a regular looked at me, smiles, and said "you look like a cloud I could hug"

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

A regular at work referred to me as "that handsome cowboy" and I'm STILL not over it

[Connor Franta @connorfranta]

what i would give to be annoyed at someone talking too loudly in a quiet coffee shop rn

[Gus Kenworthy @guskenworthy]

an alt version of "too hot to handle" where instead of 14 singles being paid $100k to not have sex for a month it's the whole world not allowed to have sex for a longer, undefined period of time, maybe 3 months? maybe a year? they receive no compensation

[Connor Franta @connorfranta]

i got catcalled on my run by some decaying old man. when i prayed for more attention last night, i didn’t mean THIS.

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

@garbagesauce Base line admission is $189. I just looked and am crushed bc broke.

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

I've been watching Love, Simon at Sundance because I know I love it and I can nap. Am I festing right?

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

@KimmyMonte Oculus raparo, you piece of shit

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

@garbagesauce Nobody. Just ..in the same room

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

Him: "your hair is incredible. If we wake up early enough, can I braid it before you go to work? I wanna make you look like they do in Vikings"

Me: "If I wake up to you braiding my hair, I'm going to lose my shit, swear to God. My heart will explode."

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

Wanna start a new series where I just photograph toilet paper rolls that have been placed on top of empty rolls because it's seemingly increased dramatically since NYE. What to call it?

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

@garbagesauce 🙋‍♂️

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

Him: if you don't have plans for NYE, you can come down here!

Me: we'll see what pans out!

Him: you're still invited down for NYE

Me: I don't want to impose on your party plans!

Him: you ARE the party plans.

Me to me: *whispering* ah fuuu-

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

@tiannaschlup I need the next episode!

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

Just really REALLY want @connorfranta to know I created a dope brown sugar banana peach latte once and named it Elio because I'm *hilarious*

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

@connorfranta loves coffee, photography, call me by your name, and probably the Midwest.

I, too, love these things. Let me serve you up an Elio Latte. 🙈💁‍♂️

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

I'm...uh...wearing a crop top with a robe drinking a whiskey ginger. @jvn where you at?

[LIZZO @lizzo]

You know what this means right....? 😏😉 @Harry_Styles

[Samuel Hanson @raptorBOOM]

Do I work out? No. Do I work out emotional equations in my head until they no longer make any sense? Why yes. Yes I do.