Rory the Teacher

Giving indie a bad name since '93.

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

Anna is sleeping on the couch tonight because she is mad that I ate some of her gobstoppers without permission.

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

@rorysfirstwife @kenndancer That hat says MOM GOP

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

@melvgates If I learned anything in Utah it's never trust anyone who didn't cry during Brother Bear. 💯👍

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

@kenndancer Later is usually better so your body can absorb the good protein.

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

@rorysfirstwife I usually put peanut butter cups on my eyes and melt them with a hair dryer. Usually does the trick.

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

Thanks for the lunch @tacobell !!!

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

I want to throw a party at my house where we only watch Mura Masa music videos

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

I just want to die and come back to life as Rihanna's yoga mat.

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

.@971zht play @djkhaled, @chancetherapper, @justinbieber, @QuavoStuntin, & @LilTunechi's #ImTheOne! https://t.co/RuRBUB3aYk

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

.@MIX1051Utah play @djkhaled, @chancetherapper, @justinbieber, @QuavoStuntin, & @LilTunechi's #ImTheOne! https://t.co/RuRBUB3aYk

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

.@U92SLC play @djkhaled, @chancetherapper, @justinbieber, @QuavoStuntin, & @LilTunechi's #ImTheOne! https://t.co/RuRBUB3aYk

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

The six professions with the highest growth rates don't require a four-year college degree. https://t.co/e7PG2UTpBs

[americANNA @rorysfirstwife]

When @slimmthuggy tells me she just does photography as a "hobby" and she's really a 1000000 wizard RT if you agree

[americANNA @rorysfirstwife]

I wish @rarar0ry https://t.co/OI4kCiC6Cm

[americANNA @rorysfirstwife]

I used to be way funnier

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

Everyone wants to change the weather but nobody is willing to sacrifice a virgin to do it.

[americANNA @rorysfirstwife]

My husband is a child

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

Hell is having two homemade cheeseburgers and fried but you can't eat until Anna gets home.

[Rory the Teacher @rarar0ry]

Should I preorder the iPhone 7 even though Anna says I shouldn't?