🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕

im surfing the web on https:/www.twitter.com

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

open a really shitty restaurant and respond to every negative google review with "skill issue"

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Got this idea for a character: his name is "Hard Mark" and he's always visibly erect, just full throttle pitching a tent 100% of the time no matter what. His posse never acknowledges it or says anything cause that's just the life Hard Mark leads and he's a super nice guy

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Just dropped my official, objectively correct fruit tier list.

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Mr. Lewis was my father. Please, call me Dipshit

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Just ate 6 or 7 batteries. Could be the move!

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Do ventriloquists realize that no one fuckin cares?

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Idea for marvel superhero: Slug Guy. he's all goopy and super fuckin slow. Also if he touches anything salty he dies

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

@theneedledrop

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Pro tip: if you accidentally shit your pants in public just pull out your phone and record yourself saying "let's gooooo" and then you can say you were just doing the shit your pants challenge

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

@theneedledrop

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

@theneedledrop Didn't appreciate at the time, but in retrospect its Talking heads

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Dude do fuckin poppy seeds even taste like anything? P sure a lemon poppy seed muffin is just a fuckin lemon muffin. I know I can't tell you what poppy seed tastes like. They just fuckin get everywhere. They're the glitter of food. Starting to rly hate poppy seeds, also fuck cops

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Cool baby names for boys:

Buckle
Mud
Battery
Chainlink
Sharktooth
Devin
USS Gerald R. Ford
Whoop-ass Jr.
Deadlift
Bricks

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

What happened to dinner bells bro? This little piggie wanna hear a big ol fuckin "ding-a-ling-a-ling" when it's FEEDIN' TIME

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Humans be like "I'm going to the market"

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

@theneedledrop

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Leggo my eggo implies a physical struggle get someone to release your food from their grasp. That's a weird scenario tbh

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

Legalize crimes

[🅱️®️🅰️D 🖕 @rat_clit]

We call it the shitter, but we're the shitters. Rly makes u think