𝕄𝕥𝕖𝕞𝕚 𝔹𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕜𝕠

Goal Digger

[airfryer guy @erectobhash]

my new favourite gif

[Ole Teya @TeyaKevin]

War zone

[𝕄𝕥𝕖𝕞𝕚 𝔹𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕜𝕠 @raykako]

How can you suddenly become clever

[The Standard Digital @StandardKenya]

CS Aden Duale on Ebola: Kenya will not serve as a quarantine center for any jurisdiction. Travelers from other countries will not be held in Kenya, to meet another country’s entry requirement. MoH will not issue any certificate of quarantine, or Ebola free certification for travel purposes. Kenya remains open for business, with no restriction for movement or public gathering

[David Ornstein @David_Ornstein]

🚨 EXCLUSIVE: Manchester United finalising deal to appoint Mauricio Pochettino if ultimate decision made to replace Michael Carrick. 54yo lined up & terms being done with camp. #MUFC yet to contact US but straight-forward should plan proceed @TheAthleticFC https://t.co/YTEGRxbVpF

[Nab @ww_nab]

Ile siku utanunua chassis ya Ug ndio utajua DCI wanajua kazi😹

[Eric Njiru ⚽️ @EricNjiiru]

FKF President Hussein Mohamed:

“Mariga wanted to be the president and had the intention of pushing me aside. I don't regret what has happened to him," he told the Daily Nation.

"He wanted to control the national teams, the leagues, management and even sponsorship. He wanted everything to revolve around him. I was elected president, and he was my deputy, so why would I allow that? Mariga travelled in almost all trips with the national teams, some of which I even financed from my own pocket,"

"He wanted to sit in every committee to serve his interests. Recently, he claimed he was not being paid a salary.
"But where was I supposed to get the money for his salary, bodyguards, office secretary and full-time driver he wanted? Was he coming to FKF for leadership or personal benefits?"

Full story: https://t.co/zHQQfWS0sl

[TIBO @yo_Lenn]

Ulimanage ?

[Led @joker_BW1]

😭😭

[Nyamisa Chelang’at @Nyamisa_Chela]

Term ni moja!

[Kiluuks♡ @DeeKiluu_]

Kipara ni Safi❤️

[𝚄𝚐𝚋𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚘𝚓𝚘. @Just_JONIER]

They probably figured this out after one mistake.

[𝕄𝕥𝕖𝕞𝕚 𝔹𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕜𝕠 @raykako]

Lmao 😂

[MILLY @MILLY17h]

Werey no believe him eyes😂

[MILLY @MILLY17h]

Werey no believe him eyes😂

[Bishop @barrack_gumba]

If you live in Nairobi, you know there are three places where your financial discipline goes to die: Westlands, Karen, and the 500-metre radius around Yaya Centre. Yesterday, at around 4:30 PM, I decided to take a quick walk down Argwings Kodhek Road. My mission was simple: drop off a document, buy two bananas, and head straight back home. Total projected expenditure: Ksh 100 maximum. Confidence 😁💫

Just outside Yaya Centre, an old acquaintance from campus spotted me. Linen shirt tucked into zero-fatigue trousers, driving a clean KD-series SUV, with a smartwatch blinking every three seconds.

"Bwana Barack! It's been ages! Let's grab a quick coffee right here across the road!"

Now, if someone in Kilimani says "quick coffee," run. That is not an invitation for beverage consumption; it is a financial trap.

We walked into one of those high-ceiling cafés where the menu has no currency symbols, just single numbers like 750, 1,200, and 2,400.

Before I could even open my mouth to order ordinary tea with clear hot water, my guy had already summoned the barista.

"Give us two iced hazelnut lattes, extra oat milk, and those almond croissants."😭

For the next 35 minutes, I was subjected to high-level corporate storytelling.

"We just closed a seed funding round in Mauritius."

"I'm thinking of picking up a two-bedroom unit on Chania Avenue for short-stay."

"Kilimani traffic is crazy, but honestly, the lifestyle convenience is unparalleled."

I'm nodding, smiling, and adjusting my posture like a venture capitalist, while secretly, inside my head, my M-Pesa balance of Ksh 1,430 is sweating uncontrollably.

Then comes the moment of truth. The waiter brings the receipt holder: Ksh 3,850.

My billionaire friend reaches for his leather wallet, opens it, looks at his cards, and then checks his phone.

"Ah, boss, system ya bank yangu iko down. Let me just tap my card... wait, declined? Ah, network errors in this spot are wild. Bro, check this for me quickly. I'll M-Pesa you the moment we walk out to the parking."

Guys.

That is how my Ksh 100 banana run turned into a Ksh 3,850 rescue mission.😭😭

As we walked out into the Kilimani evening rain, he stepped into his SUV, waved gracefully, and said, "Legend! Let's do this again next week!"😭

I am currently sitting in my house sipping tap water. If you see me anywhere near Yaya Centre this month, please call the police. I am a victim of Kilimani character development.🤕

[acce @accekid]

What my little cousins do when they see me instead of just saying hello😭😭

[Kekeli 🇪🇸 @keliknowsball]

😭😭😂

[𝓜𝓪𝓷𝓷𝔂 @bvbym23]

@YungMiami305 she asked what’s your hobbies outside of fucking ?

[The Female Joker @QueOrSomething]

He actually got the ick first but didn’t wanna sound rude…