Cris Collinsworth: Raccoons kept getting my tomatoes. So I went out and bought a crossbow and a ghillie suit. I Camped out in my yard, blasted one at 3 AM, and displayed it as a warning. My neighbors called the ASPCA, so I have a court date next week.
Mike Tirico: Second down
🔥🚨DEVELOPING: Ellen DeGeneres is almost unrecognizable after being spotted at a United Kingdom Pub without her blonde hair after moving to the country after Trump won the the election.
DeGeneres also failed to make a Hollywood comeback prior to her move by bombing every stand-up show she scheduled this year.