Ryan Caldwell

Baylor Alum | Father of 3 | SVP, Strategic Partnerships — Healthcare Tech | Vols diehard ⚡️ | Husband. Dad. Golfer. Deal Maker. | MAGA | East Tennessee |

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

Fantasy draft in 45 mins. Couple boys already checking the clock because their wives run their lives like a prison camp.

“What time will you be home?” Whenever the fuck we’re done.

Both of you cunts relax. He’s drafting fantasy football, not storming Normandy. Let the man LIVE.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

Road sodas. Road head. Mexican for dinner.

John Daly would be proud. 🇺🇸

Absolute masterclass of a Sunday.

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@MikeLiterous696 Thanks Mikey.

Fingers crossed the kids will go to be early tonight and momma will bounce on it extra long. You know a little pissed off sexual intercourse never hurt anybody. I tend to be at my best in those moments.

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

SUNDAY UPDATE:

Woke up on the basement couch. Wife still pissed - but still sucked me this AM. Head feels like it got hit by a truck.

Poker ended around 3 AM. Somehow finished up $2,800.

Leftover brisket for lunch. Bloody Mary in hand.

We ride again at noon 🇺🇸

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

2 hours into poker. 3 guys already bought back in for $1K. Pot is up to $13K for the night. We do it right around here.

Bourbon is going down smooth. 🥃 Puked again #2.

Wife informed me I’m sleeping on the basement couch.

Boys are BUZZING.

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@Ryan_Parkerrr Better get to packing your shit! Americans are sick of you liberal fucks. You are all soft. No common sense. Don’t even know what a woman is.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@ChadStones69 @MIZfanatic96 This is embarrassing. You like this shit?

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@MichaelWBratton @thatSECpodcast This is why we fuck with you Mike! Feels like 98’

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@BrettGreenberg_ I wouldn’t have DM’d her but I would’ve just posted it and tagged her.

@dtagovailoa He was some straight up ass with the Phins. Let’s all pray he’s better with the Falcons. Maybe he won’t see ghost this year if he gets some play.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@samarimccloud @klintkubiak504 Get the fuck out of here… I didn’t even notice that. What a clown I am.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@BAmannSports His ass stinks. There’s a 100% chance it would gag a maggot.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@CharlieTennesse My paw told me (before he passed obviously) that he used to slay the fatter ladies. He’d lay them down but couldn’t find the puss because of the rolls. He’d take some flour and throw it down there. It would stick to the wet surface. Then he’d go to pound town. #fuck

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@CharlieTennesse @yalltitanup I would assume it doesn’t grow too much more with that solid morning wood right?

Charlie, did you see those videos of the succ that gal put on his hammer? Could’ve sucked a golf ball out of a water hose.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@liamdoylelover @marktheman3672 @georgemacntyre Liam, even the Chi Omega powderpuff starting left tackle over there needs some dick. #Pumpndump.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@GothicMalaise @klintkubiak504 Would be beneficial for sure. The experience is worth it though. Wife still gets pissed at me for pissing my pants. I tell her “imagine toting a hawg like this everyday.”

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@Titans_Truths That bald headed POS hasn’t gotten it done anywhere. The NFL is weird. Coaches suck dick and then get hired somewhere else like it’s going to change. Same story different team.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@justmjd_ I’d make her pay me if she started stripping in front of me. That shit is embarrassing. Rolls straight from Texas Roadhouse.

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

@RuralVol 24/25 358 Passing Yards and 4 touchdowns. It’s Faizon time in Knoxville. If he drops bombs like that I’ll cum.

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

2 hours into poker. 3 guys already bought back in for $1K. Pot is up to $13K for the night. We do it right around here.

Bourbon is going down smooth. 🥃 Puked again #2.

Wife informed me I’m sleeping on the basement couch.

Boys are BUZZING.

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

4 AM: Brisket on the smoker
8 AM: Teed off at The Honors Course
11 AM: 12 Sun Cruisers deep
Now: Football on, brisket rolling

I have absolutely no idea if I’m going to make it to dinner. Might throw up.

Elite Saturday. 🇺🇸

- R. Caldwell

[Ryan Caldwell @RCaldwellBaylor]

5 PM UPDATE:

Brisket rested 3 hours. Bout to slice her.
24 Sun Cruisers down. Threw up once. Rallied immediately. Wife pissed.

Bourbon time. 🥃

Poker at the Caldwell residence in 30. The boys are about to eat MY brisket, drink MY bourbon & lose THEIR money.

- R. Caldwell