Alan Ilagan

Look out, I'm on Twitter. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@alanilagan @thejeffreymarsh Excuse me? I am nothing but the finest English Leather!

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

Thanks for the follow @thejeffreymarsh! Big fan of your Vines.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

I'm baaaaaack! And as bad as ever.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@CjF_NC @alanilagan Well that's settled now. But the question remains, who am I?

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@CjF_NC @alanilagan You jumped on that awfully quick Carl. Or should I say THE@TheAlanIlagan?!??

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@alanilagan @TheAlanIlagan At what point do you stop trying to pretend to be me? It must be exhausting.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

My New Year's Resolution is to stick to a workout regiment that gets me looking like Chris Pratt. The jacked version not the doughy one.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

Had a dream I was in Hell last night. Crocs and tube socks as far as the eye could see.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

New Fashion idea: @andersoncooper Brand Jeans! Rugged. Elegant. Smelly. Wear them for a year... or two.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

All I want for Christmas is a $790 Tom Ford Penis necklace. http://t.co/l9wR95dgux

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

"Why is no one folllowwwwing me?" Me channeling my inner Meryl Streep channeling her inner Anna Wintour. #FollowMeTuesday

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@Dbeau80 @alanilagan @TheAlanIlagan I see one hunk on that team.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

The line for Dunkin Donuts is longer than Jon Hamm's dingus.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

It's so funny hearing Al Roker speak of the Polar Vortex. As I understand it, that's the term @PamBondi uses to refer to her VaJayJay.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@RozInCP @alanilagan @TheAlanIlagan There is only one of us with 'Real' right in the name. I think we know who's real and who's a cheap copy

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@TheAlanIlagan You're pathetic. Copying me. Seriously. Have you no respect?

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

Why do they call them the 'cockles' of the heart? I think 'dickles' has a much nicer ring to it.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

Just bought the Xmas single "The 12 Days of Xmas" from a Seventh Day Adventist. He still owes me 5 days.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

@cory1976 @alanilagan No. Just this one. But thanks for the heads up.

[Alan Ilagan @realalanilagan]

Picked up Marlee Matlin's new Xmas album "Every Night is a Silent Night." Love her take on "Do You Hear what I Hear?"