Captain Obvious

Hi, I'm Captain Obvious and you've found my Twitter page. To see more tweets from me, the Captain, follow me and never miss a post. *Parody Account*

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

There are more nipples in the world than people.

[TBH @oldtbh]

🐟 Finding Dory: 6/17/2016
🚗Cars 3: 6/16/17
🚀Toy Story 4: 6/15/18
🎥Incredibles 2: 6/21/19
S/o to Pixar for extending my childhood

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Throwing a clock off the roof won't make time fly.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Throwing a penguin off the roof won't make it fly.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Dying is the number one cause of death in the United States.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Don't put your cat down the toilet.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

If a person is homeless there is a high probability they don't own a home.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

If you're the youngest brother then you're probably younger than the oldest brother.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Snakes aren't good at flying.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Throwing pancakes at your tv won't change the channel.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Fire is hotter than ice.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

2+2 doesn't equal sloth.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Eating tacks is not good for your health.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Drink water to avoid becoming dehydrated.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Birds and pizza are not related in any way.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

If you call an orange it won't answer.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

The cops can't handcuff you if you cut off your hands.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Frozen water is commonly known as ice.

[Captain Obvious @realcaptainobv]

Apples are not pineapple flavored.