RealiestPAPI

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

@PowerOfTheClam Ah, young padawan. You must master the fine art of sabotage via dyke drama. Shit works better than gunpowder. KEEP WATCHING.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

Now that Natalie and I are finally getting along, I’ve decided to hire her as my assistant at work. Gf-destruct sequence in 10-9-8...

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

The secret to lesbian sex is not unlike disaster preparation. Both require batteries, protective gear, and a quick escape route.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

We now interrupt my fabulously successful romantic date so that I can complain about my gf’s breast reduction surgery.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I’m going to act like I’m not a total douchebag.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

@PowerOfTheClam, Now that I don't have to sneak around Nat's back to bang my five chicks at a time, you are SO GOING DOWN. Single lady HOLLA

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

@PowerOfTheClam The would-be-mother of my children is leaving my HOUSE in tears, not just the room. That should count as THREE points!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

I just told my gf to move the eff outta my house, but that don’t gotta slow me down. Back to the party! Where’s that party at? IN MAH PANTS!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

And if she calls you on it? BRAG that you don’t give a fuck about the bitch in front of your friends. Ugh, having a gf is such a drag.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

Gonna drop some realiest knowledge. Ready? To keep your needy gf in check act like you don’t give a fuck about her in front of your friends.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

My dad just gave me a pep talk about being a responsible adult and taking my relationship to the next level. Awesome advice. Dad, FTW!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

@PowerOfTheClam Yes, but only because your bf just yelled at you for scamming crying chick and her cousin at the same time!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

It's my 7-mo anniversary with Natalie so I’m going to take her to a nice restaurant and tell her how lucky she is to be with me. YEAAABOYYY!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

What kind of lesbian am I? Renaissance douchebag, FTW!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

I will not cheat on my gf on camera. I will not cheat on my gf on camera. This season I will probs cheat on my gf on camera.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

My family wants me to settle down, and my gf wants us to have a baby. FML. Let’s party!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

Aaaand we’ve got waterworks. There she goes! Damn. First point goes to @PowerOfTheClam! Nicely played, my worthy opponent.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

Hey @PowerOfTheClam, wanna have a douchebag-off this season? Whoever makes the most girls leave the room in tears TAKES ALL.

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

I’m hot and I have a good job. I’m at the top of the LA lez food chain!

[RealiestPAPI @RealiestPAPI]

I often have that memory problem with the chicks I bang. My girlfriend? Not so much.