Jacob Zuma

Herdboy turned sex symbol, leader of men and meeter of the queen.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

E-TV-You tell Juju come to our studios and masturbate. He gets there all excited and you've organised a mass debate.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Ancestors-Thanks for nothing. Just so you know, next election I'm going with the tokoloshe.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Airbus-If you need expert help getting into a black box, none more experienced than Uncle Zoomie. Call me.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Ancestors-I can explain about asking Jesus to help us win ...

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

ITDept-If we could get the ancestors an iPhone, I wouldn't need to carry this sangoma around with me all day.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Team-The ancestors will turn against you and you will be bad luck forever if you leave the ANC. (no pressure)

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Kgalema-I'm worried. Now that Zilly is singing and dancing like us, do we have to talk about real issues like her?

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Sonono-Just picked them up from govt printers. Get Out of Jail Free cards for Xmas for all our favourite friends!

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Team-When I'm finished with Zapiro, I'm suing Spielberg for turning me into a green troll for the Shrek movies!

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

ShrienDewani-For future reference, send unwanted nubile young brides to Zuma camp. Could've saved yourself R15k!

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Tokyo-Good discusson but for a member of the Castrol family, Raoul really doesn't know much about lubricants.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Tokyo-Castro is definitely a terrorist! Consider that those who oppose the terrorists are INfidels making Fidel ... A terrorist!

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Team-There's a lucrative roads contract for whoever can find me a Wikiplug.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Kgalema-Ever picked up the red phone on your desk and made choking noises just to see what happens? ... Me neither.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Kgalema-Following this news (http://n24.cm/emDW8i) I've gone into hiding. I'm in our secret place ... having the lemon herb sauce.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

ITGuy-This PC mustn't make accusations, telling me my startup disk is corrupt. Give it a better attitude or I'll kick it.

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

PalloJordan-Don't make me adjust my glasses in your direction!

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Kgalema-Bloody agent media! There's a difference between "promising" something and "saying" you'll do something. http://bit.ly/93JvW2

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Fikile-When you said the 'boks would be playing against whales, I thought I'd finally see an interesting rugby game. Disappointed!

[Jacob Zuma @realjacobzuma]

Tokyo-Aish, so appropriate. Two boere drive past us in a bakkie. Badge on the back says "Ama-rok".