Real Postman Prat

The day to day life and times of Postman Pat. PARODY

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

- Here he is. How did the blind date go?
- Not great Glenn. Nice girl but she looked like she'd been apple bobbing in a chip pan.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

- David, I need you to put this package up your arse.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

- I'm stuck Pat!
.
- Fucks sake Carl. You're about as much use as a trapdoor on a canoe

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

- Now David I think it's time we told you it's not only letters I've been delivering to your mother. We regularly play 'hide the sausage'

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

- Hope you didn't mind me talking about my ex on our date. Shall we do it again?
-Cards on the table Amy, I'd rather sh*t in my hands & clap

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

:Glen, you'll have to open for me. What does it say?

:It says you have chlamydia Pat

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Right let's try it again Henry from the top... "I like big butts and I cannot lie... you other brothers can't deny....🎼"

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Fucks sake Glen, you said this place was full of fit women. That one has a face like a lepers knee.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

:Hello?
:Hello is that number 33?
:Yes
:Your dogs dead. I warned you to keep him out back. He'll be mailed back to you in instalments.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Morning you two. I didn't know the council were dishing out haircuts.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Up there lads, top window. She's changing now. In a minute we'll get a flash of that petticoat.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

That wasn't just a fart...

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Well look who it is, the DHL wanker brigade. Why don't you tossers do one. This town gets its packages from a red van not a turd brown one.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

I'm telling you Mrs Goggins, there's money to be made out of illegal house pet fights. Jess will fuck that dog right up.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

I have to say Garry it's a genius idea creating a meth lab in your home. You cook it, I deliver it. The filth won't suspect a thing.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Call an ambulance. Never mind why the horse is smiling!

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Well Mrs Goggins, I've never done it like that before. I'll not be sitting down for a good while.

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

My lucky pants. The keeper of my greatest package. Some lucky lady is getting it delivered tonight...

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

[Real Postman Prat @realpostmanprat]

Keep pointing that at me like that and I'll post it where the sun doesn't shine fella.