Real Quotes...Not

[Real Quotes...Not @realquotesnot]

"I will never voice a talking parrot!" - Tone Loc

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"Bitch, I invented lights. You best start sucking on this dick." - Thomas Edison

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"Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World didn't inspire me to become a teacher." - teachers age 22-32

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"I'm so glad the iOS update came with this U2 album!" - iPhone users

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"I don't care if Patti Mayonaisse is going to the concert, I'm not that into The Beets." - Doug Funny

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"That ain't my kid! He don't even look like me!" - Darth Vader

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"01010011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100011 01101011" - IBM's Watson

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"It's okay, we can clean later." - Danny Tanner

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"Just throw all that shit in the corner." - Jane Goodall

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"Nants ingonyama bagithi baba!" - Elton John in his car

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"I don't want to take over the world. 😉" - IBM's Watson

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"And then Michael Jordan will say, 'that bunny has some mad hops'!" - The writers of Space Jam

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"Big deal! What do you want, a medal?" - Alfred Nobel

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"Nope, wrong again, idiot." - Alex Trebek

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"Yeah...I hate Nickelback too!" - People who secretly listen to Nickelback alone

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"We're all about the art form." - Nickelback

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"Fuck art. Life is about making that paper." - William Shakespeare

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"Shit, what was Jenny's area code?" - Tommy Tutone

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"Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'? Smells like ribs doesn't it?" - @TheRock

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"I've got 99 problems, but I'm probably forgetting something, so let's just round it to 100." - Jay Z