Open Relationships Advice | Rone John

Most relationships fail from control, not love
I teach relationships without jealousy
📖Author of OLNE
🎧 The OLNE Relationship Podcast

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Narcissistic Healing Ep.4: The Sadistic Inversion in Narcissism

- the inversion that appears as grandiosity and confidence
- what the inner critic actually is
- sadistic super-ego
- the grandiosity gap
- the defense cascade (3 parts)
- why therapy is difficult

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Info about the new album Final Shared Fantasy

https://t.co/JBte4rrIVs

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Healing Narcissism Ep. 2: The 'Types' Of Change *IF* A Narcissist Can Change

- The question: if the narcissist can change is the wrong question
- why healing and 'behavior modification' are completely different
- what clinical profile is needed for "healing" - there are two
- Do the inside and outside connect in Cluster B
- the longitudinal BPD research - and why it's a misnomer
- 3 mechanisms that keep internal and external development locked apart
- the 3 outcomes of intervention so you don't waste time
- the corrective relationship structures OLNE offers

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

In a past interview of Pamela Anderson by Bustle. This is wise on many levels. Self-love is a prerequisite for any love you may have for another. It’s the only way you can *have* what the book, OLNE, refers to as “nonconditional love” - love which requires no additional stipulations aside from the love you have for the person - including exclusivity. Love that requires its return stems from the lack of love a person has for themselves. In the more pathological end, it’s their outsourcing their regulation to others (like a borderline does).

Happy birthday Pamela ❤️

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Healing Narcissism Episode 1: Why They Can't See It

- Why the Narcissist cannot see themselves- even when they try
- What the 'False Self' is
- The 2 categories they sort things in
- Why self-help doesn't work on narcissists
- What is narcissistic mortification
- How the pillar of OLNE works on narcissism
- What change actually requires - beyond surface level

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Can They Change? - How To Know IF They Can Without Wasting Time (Sex, Lies, & Cluster B, Ep. 6)

- 3 things that look like "change" to watch out for
- cluster b personalities: how they outsource regulation
- symptom reduction vs. behavioral change, the truth
- covert narcissists; can they change
- what to look for so you don't waste years of your life
- change your question to this

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Why Change, To A Narcissist, Feel Like Death (Sex, Lies & Cluster B Ep. 5)

- why stability feel like death to a narcissist
- narcissist "snapshot" theory
- why boundaries feel like attack
- how they use sex as anxiety medication
- how the false self "mummifies" the true self
- why narcissists can't see your disappearance
- the pathological shared fantasy

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Our new album comes out this week!!! The album will be called, "Final Shared Fantasy" with 14 amazing tracks!

I've always wanted music that was reality-tested, without grandiosity and fantastical notions of relationships - but still sounded gorgeous and catchy.

Final Shared Fantasy is a journey of the very real aspects of love and relating - like grief, pathology, sabotage, discard, leaving, acceptance, openness, and nonconditional love.

The idea "final shared fantasy" is to eschewing the narcissistic shared fantasy problematic relationships are made.. because radical honesty and truth and openness is the foundation of every healthy relationship!

https://t.co/odHocF8NT6

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

The Emptiness In Bed - the Void (Sex, Lies, & Cluster B, Ep. 3)

- the false self organism
- instrumental sexuality
- consumption without awareness
- internal object theory vs. the real external person
- shared fantasy: maternal reenactment via sex
- healthy objectification vs. instrumentalizing
- the signs of being instrumentalized

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Paranoia In Bed (Sex, Lies, & Cluster B, Ep. 2)

- what is paranoid ideation
- two strands of paranoia
- the false self enemy
- twin anxieties
- the persecutory object
- the 5 behavioral outcomes of paranoid ideation
- projective identification
- narcissistic mirroring - what happens

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Sex, Lies, & Cluster B (ep. 1): How To Tell Someone's Personality By How They Behave In Bed

• Why sex is a map of the whole personality
• Why the paranoid partner can't stay present in bed
• Three Cluster B types look identical - one is cold
• Why "I love you" and "you're a prop" come from same person
• The false self: the wall that kills intimacy
• They use sex like a sedative
• Warmth vs. emptiness -how to tell them apart

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Post-Family-Abuse - After Going No-Contact (Family Dynamics of Cluster B, Ep. 8)

- why you feel worse or hollow after no-contact
- a different kind of grief
- identity from grievance
- why an internalized abusive voice sounds like you
- how to integrate the idea of "co-independence"
- why the family member hoovers
- what the finishing line actually is

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Cluster B Family Mechanism For Control; Triangulation, Flying Monkeys, Smear Campaign, Tribunal
- narcissist conversion; flying monkeys
- using triangulation for control
- when you're targeted
- you're put on trial by the family
- how to love them and have no contact

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Regression: why you turn 8 at the table - Family Dynamics of Cluster B Ep. 6

- becoming 8 years old at the dinner table
- regression mechanics - developmental demotion
- the inner committee - introjects
- misidentification
- splitting the family - good/bad parent
- disidentifying vs. suppressing

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

The One Rule Every Cluster B Family Swears You to Keep (Family Dynamics of Cluster B, Ep. 5)
- the Cluster B family script
- the shared fantasy of dysfunctional families
- sunshine and reality-testing
- how roles are assigned through projective identification
- "projective splitting" - how bad parts are assigned
- mummification - the child is frozen in time
- how silence lives through generations

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Enmeshment: The Family That Acts Like One Organism (Family Dynamics of Cluster B)
- enmeshment vs closeness
- the single 'organism'
- pseudomutual vs. pseudohostile families
- how roles get assigned - projective identification
- what is "wrongful intimacies" - the 3 types
- emotional incest (covert)
- introjects and regression
- siblings as path out

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

The Parentified Child: When You Became the Adult Too Soon (Family Dynamics of Cluster B Ep. 3)

- What parentification actually is (it's not what you think)
- The two directions of the trap — and why both hurt
- Emotional covert incest: the harm with no name
- The voice inside you that says you're never enough
- Why you learned to self-soothe before you ever had a reason to
- What recovery actually looks like (it's not just "healing")

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Family Dynamics Of Cluster B - The Scapegoat & The Golden Child
- the sibling lie
- projected splitting: role theory + splitting + projection
- the golden child's prison (conditional love, false self)
- the scapegoat's curse + hidden edge (truth-seeking)
- the toxic contract: why children comply
- sibling divide as maintenance tool
- when the parent dies - the liberation myth
- the path through- reconciliation vs. splitting the parents

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

The Role You Played To Be Loved (Family Dynamics of Cluster B Ep. 1)
- the difference between your identity and the role you grew up with
- how cluster b family systems turn children into personalities
- why trying to fix things might feel like love - but actually survival
- the "invisible child"
- role theory and emergent roles explain why family labels last
- the problem child dynamic
- the golden child dilemma
- unhealthy family dynamics

[Open Relationships Advice | Rone John @realronejohn]

Comparing After The Betrayal (Replacement Wound Ep. 5)
- why avoidance can look like peace from the outside.
- dynamics of comparison and your worth.
- healing and 'Avoidance' difference.
- what's wrong with comparing your grief to their new life.
- Vaknin's "death voice" and "life voice".
- The proof of pain.
- The difference between moving on and transferring regulation.
- Why the rebound doesn’t have to fail for you to be free.