twidder

every rainbow is a double rainbow

[twidder @realtwidder]

fig. A
,_______ ,_______ ,_______
/_______/ㅣ/_______/ㅣ/_______/ㅣ
| | ㅣ| DIET |ㅣ|EMER-|ㅣ
|COKE |ㅣ|COKE |ㅣ| GEN |ㅣ
|_______|ㅣ|_______|ㅣ|__C___|/
⬛️ ⬛️ ⬛️

🥤
〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

[twidder @realtwidder]

protein nasal spray

[twidder @realtwidder]

protein vape

[twidder @realtwidder]

After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly

[twidder @realtwidder]

I saw Jesse Jackson at a grocery store in Los Angeles last week. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

[twidder @realtwidder]

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word.

[twidder @realtwidder]

my 50 y/o coworker asked me what “freedom fries” were, because that’s what they were listed as onnthe menu of the place we ordered staff lunch from. Her husband literally served in Iraq and she didn’t know about that whole thing. I had to explain it to her lol. Strange times.

[twidder @realtwidder]

when homeless guys want to talk about the freemasons i have to be like hey bro i didnt bring a notepad or anything and youre giving me a LOT of info. i gotta go

[twidder @realtwidder]

they paved Radio Shack

and put up a dildo store

[twidder @realtwidder]

I couldn’t be in the Bloods or the Crips cause I’d always be doing shit like saying, “looks like the gang’s all here”.

[twidder @realtwidder]

if you’re ever driving a dump truck in front of me in traffic you can go fuck yourself.

[twidder @realtwidder]

college kids from dallas will decide to learn to learn guitar and get like a Gibson Hummingbird

[twidder @realtwidder]

@SarahHuckabee I don’t like the things you’ve done as governor so far.

[twidder @realtwidder]

how bout peacestershire sauce?

[twidder @realtwidder]

someone killed Charlie Kirk

[twidder @realtwidder]

they paved paradise and put up another gay bookstore

[twidder @realtwidder]

it’s about time somebody cornered the market on concealed carry swimwear.

[twidder @realtwidder]

Nobody ever compliments my Realtree Carhartt jacket but it's like THEY DON'T MAKE THEM ANYMORE fucking hipsters.