Eric Braun

Sometimes, I have ideas.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

Remember when every single movie didn’t have Pedro Pascal in it?

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

Four Lokos are white trash espresso martinis.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

People with the cricket noise as their ringtone: grow up.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

*Driving into work*
Gate guard: “How’s your morning?”
Me: “Fine. Yours?”
Guard: “I’m having a GREAT day! Take care.”
*As I drive away* “It’s 7 in the morning. Fucking relax.”

Is there something wrong with me?

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

What do you call someone who tweets? A twat, duh.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

Movie idea: Jason Alexander, Wallace Shawn, and Danny DeVito are brothers.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

The VMAs this year should be called “Lady Gaga gets a bunch of new little statues while wearing increasingly outrageous outfits.”

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

2020’s most annoyingly overused phrase is “hits different.” Like, no, Jeremy, paper bags instead of plastic don’t hit different.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

@HarryAbelson I make myself laugh, and that’s what counts.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

Microwaves that continue to beep after you open the door are the attention whores of the appliance world.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

@HarryAbelson This didn’t age well.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

#tinycountries #beaware

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

@HarryAbelson Guilty 🙋‍♂️

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

“I’m motha’ f**kin’ pumped about these camp socks. Gonna be so warm.” @HarryAbelson

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

@carmencitaaa7 I read this tweet the other day and thought you were a douche bag.

I just watched the scene and now I am sorry.

That’s all.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

@carmencitaaa7 All three of us do put it in the same! I want that for everyone.
@HarryAbelson

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

Find you somebody who puts the silverware in the dishwasher the same was as you

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

😮

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

Unpopular opinion: can we take Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas is you’ out of the rotation for like 2 years? If I have to listen to that song one more time, I’m going to blow my brains out.

[Eric Braun @reb_eric]

I am eagerly awaiting @Tesla to announce that they’ve pulled the greatest practical joke with the unveiling of their new truck.