Shit Recruiters Say

Get the latest about the hottest Silicon Valley startups, thanks to intros from the coolest recruiter bros. This is not a parody account. These quotes are real.

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

If you're a great fucking developer who wants to make a bunch of money working somewhere awesome then keep reading.

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

The Matrix is calling YOU……[company] is seeking the NEO of Software Engineers!

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

A good recruiter checks references. https://t.co/krzbrjVZXu

[Jawahar Raj @jawaharaumca]

@laserllama Absolutely Yes! Do you have any reference Sir?

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"I’m retained by a Ba..Ba..Billion Dollar Company whose looking for the latest and greatest Software Engineers [...] I think this goes without saying, but we're talking a comp package that’s similar to winning wheel of fortune on a monthly basis." via @petdance

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

If for any reason things don't work out with your current startup please don't hesitate to reach out to me. Not trying to jinx ya'll, but i'm sure you're aware of the volatility of startup's within the industry.

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"a great benefits package and a £1000 ‘tech ninja’ fund to help with your learning and development." via @SeanKeane90

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"The battle is unfair. 25 Engineers coming from Microsoft, Google and eBay, all against 1.2 Million hackers. They need their Gandalf to come and save them at dawn on the fifth day." via @buhtum @bozhobg

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"Senior Java Developers - Company developing $14 Trillion Market Disruption" via @RichardBanasiak

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

[third consecutive email] "I do recognize that there is a fine line between being a pest and being persistent" via @JonnyArnold89

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"Would be great to hear back from you when you are completely through with any alligator related encounters first!" via @JonnyArnold89

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"There is stock available for employees. Yep, there really is a pot of gold at the end of the ruby rainbow" via @JonnyArnold89

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"a company that is building a platform which predicts large-scale/catastrophic events, based on real-time Twitter data" via @edwardcapriolo

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

I believe you could add great value to our [in]credible engineering team as we continue to grow and scale

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

… our engineering teams are afforded a lot of ownership over their work without the red tape you’d find in a typical corporate environment.

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

Our AI Division is basically a mini start-up within [huge company] that is experiencing tremendous growth. As part of the start-up culture…

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

As they march toward IPO, they are looking for a Senior Software Engineer to help spearhead the largest dataset in the enterprise space.

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"It's a data intensive job and in that regard writing SQL queries will definitely be in play." HT @wesmckinn

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"I have an awesome Magician who can take on a new client right now. Do you need any help?" HT @gravicle

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"Using a computer language to code programs that fulfill customer requirements and needs" HT @dylanbarrell

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

"ex-Google Silicon Valley Rockstar design and engineering team" HT @beevek

[Shit Recruiters Say @recruiterbro]

They keep balanced with pool and ping pong tournaments, group fitness activities onsite in beautiful LA