Matthias the Arbites🇺🇸

Benedicti sint ordinis auctores

[Kosmo @kasmosd1]

“HARRY MY BOY, I FUCKED UP.
NO, NO, CALM DOWN, IT’S NOT DOBBY THIS TIME!
THE LITTLE WRETCH IS COMPLETELY UNHARMED, HE’S VACUUMING THE CEILING OR WHATEVER IT IS HE DOES WHEN HE’S NOT WEEPING IN THE CORNER!
THIS IS CATASTROPHIC ON A COSMIC SCALE, HARRY! A COMPLETE AND UTTER MAGICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL COLLAPSE!
I SHOWED MALFOID HER TRENDING ON TWITTER!
HARRY, LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY:
SHE’S BEEN DOWN IN THE POTION ROOM FOR FOUR SOLID HOURS!
NO BLINKING!
NO MOVING!
NO CASTING UNFORGIVABLE CURSES!
JUST SITTING MOTIONLESS ON AN OVERTURNED SILVER CAULDRON, STARING DIRECTLY AT A DAMP SLAB OF COLD BRICK WALL LIKE AN EXHAUSTED VICTORIAN ORPHAN WHO JUST WATCHED AN AUTOMOBILE EXPLODE!
SHE KNOWS, HARRY!
SHE KNOWS PEOPLE FIND HER CUTE!
HER ARISTOCRATIC, PUREBLOOD SUPREMACY HAS COLLIDED HEAD-ON AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNHINGED MUGGLE TEENAGERS WITH ANIME AVATARS, AND THE SHEAR FORCE HAS COMPLETELY LIQUEFIED HER ENTIRE CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM!
SHE READ THE REPLIES, HARRY!
SHE READ THE QUOTE TWEETS!
SHE SAW HUNDREDS OF FANCAMS OF HER SCOWLING IN THE RAIN SET TO BRAZILIAN PHONK MUSIC WITH CAPTIONS LIKE ‘GOD FORBID A TOXIC BLONDE HAS HOBBIES’ AND ‘SHE CAN RUIN MY LIFE HONESTLY’!
SOME ACCOUNT WITH A BLUE CHECKMARK TWEETED ‘MALFOID IS PEAK ANGRY TSUNDERE FERRET WAIFU’ AND HER ENTIRE ANCESTRAL PEDIGREE IMMEDIATELY COLLAPSED IN ON ITSELF LIKE A DYING STAR!
SHE’S NEARLY COMATOSE, HARRY!
THE HEIR TO THE ANCIENT AND NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK, REDUCED TO A CATATONIC VEGETABLE OVER A THREE-HUNDRED-TWEET THREAD DEBATING WHETHER HER FOREHEAD VEIN IS ‘HIGHKEY SUBMISSIVE’!
I PANICKED, HARRY!
I DESPERATELY TRIED TO REBOOT HER SYSTEM WITH FAMILIAR STIMULI!
I TRIED CHOKING DOBBY RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE!
I GRABBED HIM BY HIS LITTLE GREASY PILLOWCASE, HOISTED HIM THREE FEET INTO THE AIR, GAVE HIM A VIGOROUS, RHYTHMIC, THERAPEUTIC THROTTLING, AND SCREAMED, ‘LOOK, DRACO! SYSTEMIC CLASS OPPRESSION! AN INFERIOR CREATURE SUFFERING WITHOUT DUE PROCESS!’
BUT SHE DID NOT EVEN LAUGH!
NOT A GIGGLE!
NOT A SNEER!
HER PUPILS DIDN’T EVEN DILATE!
DOBBY WAS WHEEZING FOR MERCY, I WAS SWEATING DIRECTLY INTO MY BEARD, AND SHE JUST SAT THERE IN THE GLOOM, CLUTCHING A CRACKED IPHONE WITH BOTH TREMBLING HANDS, SLOWLY WHISPERING INTO THE VOID:
‘WHAT IS A GYATT, POTTER? WHY DO SIXTY THOUSAND PEOPLE WANT ME TO STEP ON THEM? IS THIS AN UNFORGIVABLE CURSE?’
HURRY, HARRY!
HURRY, FUCKING HURRY!
BEFORE EVERY NOBLE HOUSE AND THE ENTIRE MINISTRY OF MAGIC ARE DIRECTLY UP MY ARSE!
LUCIUS IS ALREADY SUMMONING THE WIZENGAMOT!
FUDGE IS TYPING AN OFFICIAL DECREE!
THE SACRED TWENTY-EIGHT ARE MOBILIZING THEIR HITWIZARDS BECAUSE THEIR GOLDEN HEIRESS HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A LOW-RES LOOPING TIKTOK SOUNDBYTE!
RUN DOWN TO THE DUNGEONS THIS INSTANT AND FIX HER, HARRY!
MOVE YOUR LEGS BEFORE THEY DRAG MY ANCIENT BEARD TO AZKABAN!
HURRY, FUCKING HURRY!”
"100000 GAJILION TO GRIFFINDOR"

[REDTEN⚡ @redteneri]

I don't know if it's a simple coincidence or divine intervention, but Tom Felton's birthday is also on September 22nd.

[NEZBOX(イラストレーター)＠VRC @nezboxillustvrc]

FACEBOOKで話題になってくれて嬉しい！

[MondoMoostache ✝️ @MustacheCash101]

You won't take Malfoid like you did Petra. We won't let you!

[Kosmo @kasmosd1]

Dumbledore:

"RON!"

"HERMIONE!"

"GINNY!"

"DID YOU THREE JUST FUCKING KICK HARRY OUT OF THE HOUSE AND YOUR PARTY?!"

"FUCKING HELL!"

"DO YOU THREE HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE?!"

"GRYFFINDOR HAS BEEN WINNING FOR TEN YEARS!"

"TEN FUCKING YEARS!"

"AND NOW YOU THREE ASSHOLES HAVE FINALLY MANAGED TO FUCK IT UP!"

"HARRY IS GONE!"

"HE'S JOINED MALFOID!"

"HE'S WITH THE SLYTHERIN GANG NOW!"

"HE'S AT THE MALFOY MANOR!"

"AND YOU THREE JUST HANDED SLYTHERIN THE MOST POWERFUL STUDENT IN THE FUCKING SCHOOL!"

"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!"

"FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE..."

"I'M DEDUCTING POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"ALL OF THEM!"

"EVERY LAST FUCKING POINT!"

"TRANSFER THEM TO SLYTHERIN!"

"YES!"

"SLYTHERIN!"

"THE HOUSE I HAVE SPENT YEARS COMPLAINING ABOUT!"

"CONGRATULATIONS!"

"YOU THREE HAVE DONE THE IMPOSSIBLE!"

"YOU'VE MADE ME ROOT FOR SLYTHERIN!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

"MY FAVORITE HOUSE IS GOING TO LOSE!"

"AND HARRY IS PROBABLY OVER THERE HAVING TEA WITH MALFOID!"

"SNAPE!"

"FUCK YOU TOO!"

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW!"

"10 BILLION POINTS TO SLYTHERIN!"

"AND ZERO TO GRYFFINDOR!"

"YOU THREE FUCKING IDIOTS!"

[Ive had enough (●'◡'●) @BurnerBxtcqv8]

No. Fuck you. You made it your life mission to destroy anything Rowling associate with, and her franchise over your genocide fantasy.

You made website that track down any streamer who played the scary wizard games to witchhunt them, you even went after a Vtuber till she graduated.

And now you shamelessly want to join the wagon now that the genderbend version is getting popular? Nah. You don't deserve an inch of Malfoid content. You don't deserve a single right.

[AAIP @Raputa487448]

Malfoid AU: The night before Harry goes into the Forbidden Forest.

[Guardbro @GuardTm]

People drawing lewd art of Malfoid are missing the fucking point so hard that its almost comical. People don't want r34 art of Malfoid, we want warm, summery, lovely stuff that is good for the heart, not gooner-slop.

[Flareon 🇺🇸🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @FlareonLXX]

Me going outside after scrolling hours of Malfoid edits and being filled with a renewed sense of hope, joy, and yearning instead of doomerism about the world:

[Olirae the Sweeper @olirae218]

20 years of underage Malfoy x Harry and say nothing because its yaoi and gay
Couple of days of SFW young Malfoid and you scream "Pedo" like you scream "Wolf"
You hypocritical faggot homos have no standards

[HeroHei @_Hero_Hei_]

>Bluesky: Harasses yunayu for her Malfoid art
>She brings her art back only on Twitter and YouTube
>She deletes her Bluesky account
>Bluesky: "She's siding with the hateful ones"

They really do have 0 self awareness over there.

[pixbooru.com @pixbooru]

💙 wizarding world / gregory goyle
#malfoid #vincent #crabbe #necktie #luxu #green #eyes
-Artist: @Luxuriass

[Link🇻🇦 @ZeldaZealot]

Reminder that by keeping the Malfoid trend alive you are personally annoying the worst people in existence.

Keep it up Patriots

[Lem @lem00001]

Malfoy got distracted

[Ananta @AnantaAI99]

Potter & Malfoid, and their last train to Hogwarts

[JorkSFW @JorkFitSFW]

Tsundere Malfoy-sama (Malfoid) asked on a date

[JonathanPT ✞ @JPT_Arts]

Yule Ball