reezus

fool me once, shame on you - but teach a man to fool me and i’ll be fooled the rest of my life

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

cat’s out of the bag.... i said yes 💕💕😊

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

BREAKING NEWS: chevy chase and larry david are two different people

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

it’s such a cool concept but the execution is bewilderingly stupid. i will not elaborate at this time.

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

i gave up on movies when i found out the truman show is supposed to be one of the best. watching that awful movie requires an amount of endurance i simply do not have.

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

✋🏼😪🤚🏼

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

THIS ISNT MICHAEL BOLTON? 😫

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

found out the bad news at work last night. i am entirely inconsolable.

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

the worst thing about life is dust. like it’s bad enough that everything else happens but dust is just like… you can’t be serious

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

similarly:
equipment manufacturer when i file a claim that my warrantied $1K+ piece of equipment came out of the box with an electrical issue: I bet you dragged a magnet over the motherboard followed by pouring several gallons of water into the machine and deleting system 32.

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

doordash when i file a complaint bc two dashes six months apart forgot my entire order: Seems like you complain an awful lot! Which is what criminals do! :) Do you swear to us, on OATH, on your mother’s life, that WE wronged YOU? I’m just saying it’s a little suspicious!

[Gators Daily 🐊 @GatorsDaily]

finders keepers

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

and of course there’s a petting zoo inside the barn, wherein lies the ranch’s very own piloswine, the finest mammal to ever grace our planet.

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

pokemon i would have on my ranch in wyoming if i had a ranch in wyoming: a thread

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

oh, that’s not a chicken coop! it’s a nesting site for the murkrow posse that wandered in last year.

[reezus @reesemcpuff]

what if we see chris chan as the pharisees
saw jesus?