Richard Payne

Aspiring Teacher, Failed Writer, and bloke who waves his arms about in front of 100-odd people every Tuesday night...

[Rosie Payne @rosiepose83]

I think this is the best birthday cake ever, courtesey of my lovely sister @brendan_sheerin @C4CoachTrip

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@symphonydog I seem to recall Verne Troyer being mooted for a part at some stage too...

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@symphonydog I'm afraid of the dark, especially when I'm in a park, and there's noone else around...

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@symphonydog Tell me why are we so blind to see that the ones we hurt are you and me? #profound

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

My Pastry-based tribute to #EurovisionSongContest2014 winner #Conchita

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Pancake-wise, it all went a bit Yvette Fielding for me tonight.

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

By God I hope Jezza Vine is being paid well for this bilge #revengeoftheegghead

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@rosiepose83 did you not get the one about not going and coming back the same way?

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@rosiepose83 He gave you advice? All I got was abandoned in Toys R Us.

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Token arty filtered birthday cake photo:

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@symphonydog I've got money on a Chuckle Brother next...

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Carol Singing in the rain #OneManTenorSection

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@xfm The Dark Knight Ruislip

[TV Times @tvtimesmagazine]

JUST 2HRS TO GO! Follow & RT to #WIN 1 of 5 copies of Doctor Who: The Vault book (rrp £30)! Comp ends Nov 25 at 9pm! #doctorwho

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@Xfm The Holocaust Uncovered with Lee Latchford-Evans

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Oh, Gareth. The beard is really not for you.

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Outstanding Ken/Competitor banter on Popmaster this morning. The Haunted Chip Shop anecdote a particular highlight #popmaster #oneyearout

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Do you ever get the impression that some people have far too much spare time... http://t.co/ofU0GXu78e

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

@rosiepose83 Some twonk behind me started flashing because I stopped to let someone go round a parked car. Berk.

[Richard Payne @rejpayne]

Driving an Audi is basically a shorthand way of saying you're a tremendously self-important, impatient ballbag.