Reuben

God’s first pancake

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

@QPR Message if anyone has a spare cheers

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

@QPR Anyone got a ticket for sale? Thought I had one but didn’t do the card verification

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

God is releasing the Mandelson files in the sky right now and the govt is telling everyone not to look

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

If I was Starmer I’d leave a bucket of gravy balancing on an open door in Number 10

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Just ordered a garlic dip with my sandwich for the crusts

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

@Fitzdares @Time_For_Reason @nytimes @TheAthletic

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

First day instants came out I replied to every single person with a photo or message because I thought they were all just being sent to me

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Question Time but it’s Hannah Spencer vs Robert Kenyon who can fix a washing machine the fastest while answering questions on fiscal policy

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

I’m in the bath so long that my fingers got raisins

All her underwear silk so her pubes have waves in

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Double entendre are my favourite amount of entendres

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

I like my women like I like my crabs: dressed

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

What’s the Japanese word for the constant fear that someone’s about to overtake you in the lido because you think you’re swimming too slowly

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

If you’re still a misogynist in 2026 then seriously grow up. The depth of umami it adds is brilliant

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Just been catfished. Thought I finally had an AI girlfriend but turns out she’s real

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

The metal detectors at the British Library are programmed to not let any ugly people inside

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

I’m down with the kids. I put the hip in rohypnol

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

I’ve had enough I’m moving to Dubai for the water parks

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Wore my F1 helmet for my driving test

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Women in stem or men in gitis

[Reuben @reuben_ct]

Football has become so Americanised. Can’t believe we call it a season and not a series anymore