Rex Riot

• BUSINESS JESUS •

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

My daughter (screaming): I WAS BORN TO HAVE THIS MUCH FUN

…young legend

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

If yall need me I’ll be in the TikTok farlands

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

Listen everyone you need to read the fourth three body problem book and stop talking to me like I’m a child whenever I bring it up

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

I made my daughters whale shark stuffy “whaliam” and really feel like I didn’t get enough credit for that

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

Hot take wok hei is just carbon steel without enough oil

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

My daughter is eating a nectarine and she will not stop calling it a wolverine

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

I think about the hexagon on top of Saturn every day

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

My 4yo daughter just now unprompted: you should get me a little trumpet

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

Just used an emoji in an excel formula out of necessity… I think I need to put it down for a minute and touch grass

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

I’m so fucking old dude I’ve seen more than half the Superbowls

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

Can’t wait for Bad Bunny to win this game

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

How come every car is like $50k and ugly now?

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

The irony of American TikTok users experiencing wide-spread political censorship AFTER the platform changed hands from CCP-controlled ownership is absolutely red hot

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

My daughter is now refusing to let my wife wash her hair unless she promises not to “go crazy on it”

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

When I was a kid I thought The Sneeches was about equality but now I realize it’s about corporate greed and it slaps that much harder.

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

Buffalo wings aren’t just not named after the animal… they’re named after a city named after a creek named after a dude.

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

New cooking level unlocked… went to the Asian grocery and when I got to the checkout the lady looked at my basket and started speaking Korean to me.

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

Pluribus is ok so far but I liked the Rick and Morty version better

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

My daughter just told me I was very fat and very handsome and frankly hard agree

[Rex Riot @rexriot]

I feel like 90% of art TikTok is just people telling you in a calm voice not to worry about making mistakes and like… are we really that freaked out all the time yall?