kristen abraham.

don’t follow me because I don’t even know where I’m going.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

Casually took a sip of my Poland Spring water bottle thinking it was water because why wouldn’t it be. It was vodka. I just took a whole ass shot of vodka before 8 AM.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

I thought the Super Bowl could not get more boring than last year. I stood corrected, until this little fight. Most action this whole game.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

This is why I don’t gamble lol.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

What are the odds my box numbers win me back the $25 I spent one might ask? Not a chance… because the Patriots scoring anything at this point are slim to none lolz.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

Didn’t watch it and don’t regret it.

[Robert Griffin III @RGIII]

Dear World, this is a safe space.

What did you think about Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl Halftime performance?

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

Tbh idk what’s worse, sitting in traffic or waiting in line for a prescription at CVS. Both scenarios make me want to gouge my eyes out.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

Mannn they have got to chill with these texts I read the first line and thought it was my ex.

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Saquon recognized an Eagles staff member & pulled him into the parade

What a guy @BarstoolPhilly

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

I just cut off on the parkway and to add insult to injury…it was by a Dolphins fan.

[Bad Sports Refs @BadSportsRefs]

Unbelievable that no flag is thrown here, would’ve put the Chiefs inside the 10 #KCvsGB

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

@JoeBiden real nice job with our health insurance you prick. I’ve had a chronic illness since age 12, would you like to personally cover my treatment that now isn’t covered tomorrow thnx to you?

Or what about the thousands of women who are expected to deliver babies this month?

[Stacy @StacyMarieJ]

hey you wanna come over and lay your full body weight on top of me for a few minutes?

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

@victorialuchka Lmfao

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

I stopped watching TV so hard recently I almost completely missed the new season of Black Mirror came out. Today is a good day.

[Hannah Rumble @rumblehannah_]

Laurel any time she speaks #TheChallenge38

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

I swear cab drivers see yellow lights and instantly go “let me speed up.”

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

LOL for the 3627282637 time.

[Jake Montgomery @JakeMontgomery_]

NFL fans saying goodbye to Tom Brady

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

I was right now years old when I realized today is not in fact Friday.

This is gonna be a long week.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

@noormarji13 Can you at least give me a slight heads up so I can buy a gift but also plan for someone to throw the mash potatoes at the wall when they find out?

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

If they don’t win I’m calling in a personal complaint to MTV—they deserve the win and I need this anxiety to end already.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[kristen abraham. @ricekrissP]

Ive been watching @TheChallenge for almost 20 yrs & I swear the best mome ever was when @TheOfficial_CT dragged @johnnybananas on his back..until I just watched @MTVnany catch that freaking stick.

Idk whats better, the save, @tjlavin ‘s reaction, or 🍌s deep breath b4 the save.