Garrett Nelson

comedian/ rgarrettnelson on all platforms

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Jelly Roll should lay off the music and start doing drugs again

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Directing traffic is an art form that most police officers haven’t mastered yet

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Yeah yeah whatever. I’m not reading all that

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

I’m a very mature person until I’m left alone with a marker board

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

I wish it wasn’t rude to take pictures of strangers in public

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Just overheard someone say that they like the way their hands smell after handling loose change, and I’ve never been more disgusted by anyone in my life.

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

April 15th is the anniversary of the Titanic sinking. It’s also the anniversary of the Boston Marathon Bombing. Not only that, but it’s the day that taxes are due

Huge day for white people

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Insurance fraud saved my life

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

I used to manage a grocery store and I was proud of my job position until one day I told someone what my job was and they replied “well somebody’s gotta do it”

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Doing my taxes and writing off expenses. I should be able to write off the taxes I paid last year as an expense

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

@Dominos_UK Domino’s Pizza Uk

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

@beyoumf Cigarettes

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

@ArabAngelZ “Come in”

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Dog trauma #standup #comedy

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

@WaffleHouse

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Eat with a fork #wafflehouse #standup #comedy

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

#NewProfilePic I’m putting the Richard character to rest. This is me. I do stand up now

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

@TheFigen_ Ahhh yes if you don’t do anything then nothing gets done. I didn’t know this

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Would anyone like to come over tonight?

We’re popcorn reading the Epstein Files

[Garrett Nelson @richardserious]

Going to the chiropractor to get my knuckles popped