spike's pet

Hi! For those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

a lot of ppl will advertise on their profiles that they are content creators or streamers or whatever but they'll still use that account to troll and say stupid shit so I'm gonna start a thread of everytime I see an "influencer" being a fucking loser since they think no one cares

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

Opening an investigation on 2 random customers who have the same routine that both broke their routine at the same time because what is going on

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

I actually understand what all the women were saying now because as I approach 30 my capacity to pretend like I give a fuck about something that I don't is dwindling fast. I always thought it was something you had to work on, like building a thick skin. But it's more natural

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

Yeah no sure let's blast the air conditioning on a rainy, 16 degree day simply because it's June. Ya no that makes sense

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

Remember when celebs were just normally hot, talented people. God I miss that.

[MR. POP @MrPopOfficial]

41 years ago today ‘Perfect’ was released.

The film stars John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis.

[slayer dreams ☽ .⋆ ˖ 🐈‍⬛ @slayerxvampire]

Alyson Hannigan’s message for Tony and Sarah’s response 🥺😔

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

My friends of 25 years messaging me, the girl who they know works nights and has no car: "hey we should hang out right now and anyone who can't is being difficult!!!"
Me: I'm writing your kids out of my will

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

Me when my friends keep trying to make last minute plans and then blame me for not being spontaneous enough (aka already having plans): girls I'm bored let's buy a day planner! 🥰

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

(I just don't like her)

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

God I hate people who pretend to care about stuff but they know nothing about it because why did my coworker just ask me if I "got my glaucoma situation from the other day cleared up" like bitch I'm blind I have glaucoma for life theres nothing to clear up omg go away LMAO

[Stephanie @stephstehp]

IM GONNA IMPLODE

[tim russ @timruss2]

It was found in Texas. It destroys cattle too. It was still in other countries and the US put in programs to ensure it wouldn’t enter the US again. 60 years of success.
Until Trump cut the funding, and now it’s back in the US. Are we Great Again yet?

[Anna Horford @AnnaHorford]

Studies have always shown that if you provide necessities & help people thrive, it reduces crime.

[i am superwholost @slayercomma]

One of the many Giles scenes that has brought me comfort and peace and meaning

[Stallion Stats @MegansStats]

‘NDA’ received 121,765 streams on Spotify yesterday, up 4.03%!

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

*pointing at vacant pump* "I want 40"
"40 what?" "Gas, obviously" "regular? Mid grade? Supreme?" "I'm at the diesel pump I obviously want diesel" "you pointed at an empty pump and we sell diesel and regular gas at the diesel pump" "why does it even matter" omg just LEAVE!

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

Like bitch take that newsboy hat off and come serve this table LMAO

[spike's pet @ricksredmachete]

Customers waiting because the new waitress showed up wearing a hat because she thinks being a floater means strictly doing prep work and she's looking at me like I'm gonna take care of her counter all day but I don't fucking work for the restaurant, as I keep telling them:

[27. @dimvji]

going through something alone when you really needed help changes the way you see everyone