The Real Ricky Elmer

Elms ‘22 XC/Track “Speed kills” -Papa

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

Yeah sex is probably cool but have you ever hit every green light on memorial drive

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

My girlfriend and I got into a really heated argument today about how to put the toilet paper roll on

I told her “It’s over”

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

Do you put your socks on standing up or sitting down?

[max @lilvanhooters]

I’m in the top 0.005% listeners of hearing my parents argue and get divorced at a traumatizing enough young age

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

https://t.co/D1qj4Iy3vi if youre bored enough take my survey that i had to make thanks

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

thats some weak time travel

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

ma'am I would love to see you try to be meaner than the voices in my head

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

were y'alls dentists so obsessive over flossing they were like "if I🧑🏼‍🔬had the choice🔠 between ↔️ brushing my teeth🎹twice a day or flossing😬just one 💁🏼‍♂️time in my life I would choose flossing🧚🏼 because its just that awesome🎉or was that just my dentist

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

coworkers just befriend you so that you'll take their shifts

[Aly Dixon @aly__dixon]

doctor at my check up asked me if i had “any feelings of depression or anxiety” and i said “don’t we all” and she said “no” lol

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

I blame the 4th-6th grade computer class Iditarod for my gambling addiction

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

An absolute king https://t.co/P6mjfDCOb9

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

You're telling me a horse drew this carriage?!?

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

at work today I was exchanging a propane tank for a customer and he said

"ya know its always when yer cookin that the propane runs out"

so i said "Well yeah sir, when else would it run out?"

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

@juuliespice this is the best argument I've heard for this

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

told my mom I had a mental breakdown/panic attack yesterday and she laughed at me

[The Real Ricky Elmer @rickyelmerfudd]

i think its time to find something in my drafts and tweet haphazardly